Saving Him
by Aulophobic Clarinetist
Summary: The war goes badly and Hermione feels she has nothing left to live for. Dumbledore sends her to the past with a plan that could not only save her and a misunderstood boy, but possibly the whole wizarding world. Rating for abuse/self harm.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, no matter how much I wish I did.

Slightly AU. Prologue Summary: Dumbledore is alive, but the war isn't going as planned. Hermione left after the first battle to find her parents, and the charm could not be reversed, so she returned to Hogwarts. Harry was forced to leave and search for two horcruxes, while the rest of Hogwarts fought the second battle. HE hasn't been heard from in a few months. During the second battle, Ron and Snape were killed by Nagini, who's head was chopped off by Neville. Knowing Hermione feels she has nothing left to live for, Dumbledore comes up with a plan that will save her, a misunderstood boy, and maybe the whole wizarding world.

"Miss Granger, I presume you are wondering as to why I have asked to meet with you?" Albus Dumbledore asked as the curly-haired witch sat in the armchair in front of his desk.

"Yes, sir" Hermione replied softly, focusing on the carpet. She hadn't been able to look people in the eyes since the most recent battle. The seemingly permanent sadness frozen in her own caused unwanted sympathy and concern.

"I understand what you're going through, though you do not believe me. I may have found a way to help." He said as he opened a drawer on his desk.

"How could you possibly help?" she asked, trying not to sound as sarcastic as she felt.  
"I've modified this time-turner. One turn and it will send you to a time when I think you will be needed much more than you are here. And it could help Harry in the end." He said with a twinkle in his eye.

"Harry is all I have left, and I'll probably never see him again. I'll do whatever I can to help him. When are you sending me to sir? What am I to do there?" She looked up at him desperately.

"I'll leave you to figure that out, after all you are the brightest witch of your age" he smiled lightly and handed her the time-turner.

She looked down and spun it once.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The time-turner disappeared from her hands and when Hermione looked up, Dumbledore appeared to be almost twenty five years younger.

"Miss Granger, I presume?" He asked cordially.

"Sir, what-"

"According to a message from my self, you have arrived from the future?" He spoke more to himself.

"Well, I would suppose so, sir, but-" Hermione started again.

"Wonderful! Would you care for a lemon drop? You're a bit early"

"Sir, how is it that you know who I am if I have traveled to the past?"

"Because I've told myself. You see, Miss Granger, I am one of the few people who can journey back in time to converse with myself without going mad," He explained "For instance, I was told to be expecting you today. I know you are here to help someone, but I am not to tell you who. You will be attending Hogwarts as a sixth year transfer student from Beauxbatons. You are now in Slytherin. It is not your responsibility to make sure future events remain the same, I have made sure nothing changes except you and one person who deserves a different outcome. You do not know anyone at Hogwarts or your way around, be careful of that. Try not to talk to the Gryffindor students, especially the Marauders, Lily, Alice, or Frank. It is April, so you'll have a few weeks of sixth year to complete, I trust you'll do well. I will inform you of your summer plans soon."

Hermione quickly absorbed all the information of her new identity and the rules when there was a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in!" said Dumbledore.

Hermione turned around and froze in shock of who was standing in the doorway.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Reviews?


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry this wasn't up last night, for some reason fanfiction wouldn't load on my computer.

Thank you so much for all the reviews! Here's the next chapter!

*()*()*()*()*()*()*

A skinny boy of about sixteen stood in the doorway. He had somewhat greasy black hair slightly past his chin, a large nose that looked as if it had been broken, robes two sizes too big, and a confused look on his face because Hermione was still staring at him. It was Severus Snape, although younger and without his signature glare.

'Professor Snape?' Hermione thought 'but he died! I must have been sent back twenty years!'

"Mr. Snape!" Dumbledore greeted. Snape took his eyes off of Hermione's to face the headmaster.

"You asked to see me, sir?" he responded with another puzzled glance at Hermione, who realized she was still staring and turned toward Dumbledore, faintly pink, fighting the urge to ask questions.

"Yes. This is Miss Granger, she's a transfer student in your year, and she'll also be in Slytherin. I hope you can spare the time to show her around and perhaps make sure she's caught up in her classes?" he looked at them over his half-moon spectacles with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Yes, sir"

"Well then, off you go!" Dumbledore said cheerily as he shooed them out.

Hermione hurried out the door after Snape, who's too-big robes had a small billowing effect. She tried to keep the smirk off her face. Finally, some familiarity.

"Strange he didn't want one of the prefects to show you around," he remarked quietly, "Where did you transfer from, Miss..."

"Granger. But call me Hermione," she answered, trying to sound friendly and not as strange as she felt about this whole situation.

"Severus" he responded.

"I'm from Beauxbatons. I guess I just got tired of all the frivolity."

"You don't sound French" he noted.  
"I'm not, I'm from London. I don't know why I didn't come to Hogwarts in the first place."

They remained silent until they reached the bottom of Dumbledore's stairs.

"I suppose I'll show you the classrooms first, then we can see what classes you need to catch up in"

Hermione nodded.

They made their way around the school, Severus leading and Hermione pretending not to know her way around. When they stopped by the Great Hall, Hermione gasped appreciatively at the ceiling like most of the first years.

"It's enchanted" Severus began, "You can read about it in-"

"Hogwarts: A History!" Hermione interrupted. At his bewildered look, she explained "Oh! I've read it."

"You like to read?" he asked, seeming as if it was a foreign concept for new students to enjoy reading.  
"I love to read."

"Well, you should like our library then. We can go there next, unless you'd rather see the Quidditch Pitch" he said in a half-joking tone.

"The library sounds wonderful," she said happily.

When they reached the library, Hermione felt more at home than she had in the last year. She even managed a full smile. They walked to a secluded table in the back near many of the first editions, the table which Hermione frequented in her earlier Hogwarts days because of the privacy and the wonderful books.

"This is kind of my table. No one else ever really sits here. But you can use it too, if you want" Severus said uncertainly.

"Thank you" she replied, amused by their similarities and confused though pleased at his acceptance.

"Which classes are you taking?" he asked.

"Transfiguration, Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, History of Magic, and Herbology"

"I'm taking the same ones!"

"How are the professors?"

"McGonagall teaches Transfiguration, she was new a few years ago and she's strict. Binns teaches History of Magic, he's a ghost and monotonous. Flitwick teaches charms, he's a good teacher, very excitable though. Dumbledore teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts. You've met him. Herbology is taught by Professor Sprout. She just started this year since Professor Grubbly-Plank switched to Care of Magical Creatures. It's very useful for Potions, which is taught by Slughorn. He's... well, he could do better. And he picks favorites. I've actually-" he stopped suddenly, embarrassed.

"You've actually what?" she wanted him to continue. It was nice too see someone as fond of knowledge as she was.

"Well, I've altered some of his instructions for potions and got better results. Just some small changes for improvements," Severus said modestly "Potions are my favorite, along with Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Wow, you must be really good at Potions! My favorites are Charms and Transfiguration. I do like potions as well, though there was a mishap when I brewed Polyjuice in my second year"

"Polyjuice? In your second year? What happened?" He seemed impressed and actually interested in her explanations, which didn't happen often when she was at Hogwarts.

"Well. I had cat hair instead of human hair."

He laughed. And he wasn't laughing at her. Hermione realized he had a nice laugh. And a nice smile, though his teeth were a bit crooked. It was odd seeing him this way after knowing him to be so acrimonious for seven years. She turned pink again. Feeling as though her mistakes needed justification, she continued, "I was top of my class for everything except Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"I guess you don't need much help catching up then?" he said with a smirk.

"I suppose not" She smiled  
"You'll have some competition. I have the top marks in Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Herbology. And … Gryffindors have top marks in Charms, Transfiguration and History of Magic" He said as if he didn't want to talk much about the Gryffindors. "We don't have many joint classes left with them though."

"Have you thought about what you want to do after school?" she asked.

"Probably something with potions."

"Well, if you're going around correcting potions books..." Hermione smiled.

"What about you?"

"I'd like to do some sort of spell research. In my fifth year, I created fake galleons that could send messages. I like doing things like that" He looked at her curiously.

The clock sounded in the hall.

"We should go to dinner. Then I'll show you the common room"

"Ok" Hermione nodded.

They walked back toward the Great Hall together, this time not as silent, but rather filled with ideas for potions and spells.

*()*()*()*()*()*


	3. Chapter 3

Hey everyone! Sorry about the wait... college sucks, I'm transferring to Hogwarts haha.

Here's a little chapter for all my patient readers, the next one should be longer and better. Happy Halloween!

SSHGSSHGSSHG

Severus and Hermione were two of the first Slytherins in the Great Hall. When they sat down and the food appeared, Hermione made sure to act impressed. As they ate, Severus talked about the moving staircases, the Black Lake, and the Forbidden Forest. When they were about to eat dessert, the other Slytherins showed up. Hermione noticed Lucius was leading the posse, with an arm around Narcissa. Following closely were Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and a young boy who had a remarkable resemblance to Sirius Black, whom she assumed to be Regulus.

They greeted Snape and looked at her curiously.

"Who's this?" asked Lucius as they sat down at the table.

Hermione felt trapped as Bellatrix sat on her left and Lucius pulled out a chair for Narcissa across from her.

"Hermione Granger, she transferred from Beauxbatons" Severus explained as she forced a small smile at them.

"Granger? I don't know any purebloods named Granger!" exclaimed Bellatrix.

"Maybe it's French?" suggested Regulus, earning a glare from his cousin.

"Are you a halfblood like Severus?" asked Lucius silkily.

"I-" she noticed them all staring intently at her. "No" she quietly replied.

"You're a mudblood?" Bellatrix shrieked and all of the Slytherins began shouting at once.

Panicking, Hermione jumped up from the table and ran out of the Great Hall.

Halfway to the Gryffindor tower, she realized where she was going, turned around, and stopped somewhere in the third floor corridor. She drew in a breath and slid down to the floor against the wall, tears escaping her tightly shut eyes.

A few minutes later she heard almost silent footsteps beside her and quickly looked up. It was Severus, with a mixed expression of a small amount of concern and slight confusion as to how she heard him. They stared at each other for a moment, then he sheepishly held out a chocolate chip cookie. She wiped a tear away with her thumb.

"Thanks" she whispered and took the peace offering.

He nodded in response and sat down beside her.

After a while Severus spoke "I would ask if you're ok, but you're obviously not. I'm not the best at comforting. I'm sorry"

She gave a weak chuckle "It's not your fault"

"I wish I could say they're not usually like this, but they are"

Hermione nodded slightly.

"Thanks for not staying with them. You seem like an incredibly decent person, why are you friends with them?"

"They're the only friends I can keep. I don't want to be like them, but I don't have much of a choice. The only other people who notice me chose me as their favorite subject of torment."

"So you don't think I'm a filthy mudblood?" She said sarcastically.

"Please don't say that. I've only used that word once and I..."

"Lost someone?"

He nodded "She was the best friend I ever had. A real friend" he trailed off, looking into the distance.

"It's ok, you don't have to talk about it"

He nodded again.

Sitting together for a while made her feel better, even though it was mostly in silence. Severus led her to the Slytherin common room, Hermione nervous about living with future Death Eaters. The Slytherin common room looked nothing like the Gryffindor one. The walls were gray marble and there weren't as many fireplaces. All of the furniture was black and there were green drapes on the enchanted windows. While the Gryffindor common room felt warm, Slytherin's was colder, but not unpleasantly so. To Hermione's surprise, the bedrooms were separated by year, each year's small corridor branching into individual rooms.

Severus showed her which room had just been added for her and crossed the corridor to the male side.

"Goodnight, Severus" Hermione said, relieved, as she turned toward him.

He paused by his own door on the guy's side. "Goodnight, Hermione"

SSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHG

yay

reviews make me happy


	4. Chapter 4

Hey everyone! Sorry for the delays, finals are terrible and my computer's mouse wasn't working. But now it's the break so I have a lot more time to write! Thanks for all of the story alerts/favorites, it makes me so happy!

SSHGSSHGSSHG

The Friday before the summer holidays, Dumbledore called Hermione to his office. She was reluctant to leave her room, as she was creating a few different study schedules in order to adequately prepare for the exams next week.

"Miss Granger, as it is almost the summer holidays, I have arranged for you to have a flat in Muggle London," Dumbledore explained as she sat in front of his desk, "I trust you will be fine by yourself?"

"Yes, sir" she began, "I thought that I would be staying at Hogwarts. Is the flat near the person I need to help?"

"Only you can answer that, Miss Granger. Here's the address," his eyes had their mysterious twinkle as he handed her a slip of parchment. Looking at the location, she had no idea where it is.

When she met Severus at the Slytherin table for dinner, Hermione was becoming more and more distraught about the summer.

"How was your meeting with the Headmaster?" Severus asked conversationally. "That good?" he said sarcastically at her glare.

"It's about where I have to stay this summer. I'll have to be in Muggle London by myself, I'm not even sure exactly where it is! How am I supposed to get anything accomplished?"

"You're not staying with your parents?" he inquired.

"…No" she replied after a moment of hesitation.

Looking as if he wanted to ask more questions, he decided it probably wasn't the best time, "Well, maybe it's close to something, can I see the address?"

She shrugged and passed him the parchment.

"That's right across the street from my house!" he said happily.

"Really?" she said with disbelief.

"Yes! There's a park in the middle, we could study there."

In her glee, Hermione threw her arms around him, enveloping him in a tight hug. Before Severus even registered what happened, she had let go and began to talk animatedly about all the studying and books they could read this summer together. He was only partially listening, a small smile frozen on his face.

When he came back to the conversation, she was still explaining all the study plans.

"…and so then we'll have read all the N.E.W.T. level books by August!" she finished.

"Wow," was all he managed, but at her slightly crestfallen glance, he hastily went on "it sounds great! A bit ambitious, maybe. I've always had my work done on time, but never that far in advance" she beamed at him.

"Speaking of which, we should probably study for the exams next week, though you've no doubt already begun" he remarked.

Smile unfaltering, she exclaimed "Of course! I've rewritten all my notes and made up some study plans."

"Well, we can study all day tomorrow, if you'd like," Severus said, amused by her enthusiasm.

"Sure! We can get breakfast at eight, then we could have a good amount of time to review everything" she said excitedly.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

Hermione woke up early Saturday morning, looking forward to a day filled with studying. A few minutes before eight o'clock, she stepped out of her room and waited in the dormitory's corridor. When it was five past eight and there was no sign of Severus, she knocked lightly on his door, thinking he might have overslept. After receiving only silence, she knocked normally, but still got no reply.

Confused about where he was, Hermione left the common room and headed toward the Great Hall, as that could be the next logical place for him to be waiting. After only seeing a few first years eating breakfast, she left and began to search other places in the castle where he could possibly be. She wandered through the library shelves, even looking in the restricted section. The Potions classroom was empty, the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom had a few seventh years practicing for their N.E.W.T.s, and there was a staff meeting in the Charms room. Deciding to return to the common room and wait because they could be circling each other, Hermione checked a few abandoned classrooms on her way back, but stopped looking after the third one since she found Sirius Black snogging a tall blonde Ravenclaw girl.

When she was back in the Slytherin dormitory, Hermione knocked on his door again. Met with silence, she was about to leave when she thought she heard a light sniffle come from his room.

"Severus?" she called, but still got no response. Carefully opening his door, she saw that he was sitting on the edge of his bed holding a piece of crumpled parchment, a tear slowly making its way down his cheek.

"Severus, are you ok?" she asked as she closed the door behind her. He shook his head in response.

"Go away" he said half-heartedly as he stubbornly wiped the tear away.

"What's wrong?" she asked gently as she sat next to him and put a small hand on his shoulder. After a moment of internal debate, he held out the parchment.

"It's from my father."

Picking it up and smoothing it across her lap, Hermione read

Severus,

As you know, your mother was ill and in the hospital. She passed Thursday morning, the doctors said there was nothing more they could do. I'll see you at King's Cross next week.

There was a illegible signature on the bottom.

"Oh Severus, I'm sorry!"

"Can you leave?" he asked quietly.

"I know how you're feeling, but it's best not to be alone at times like-"

"You have no idea how it feels"

She paused "You're right, I don't know exactly how it feels, my parents aren't dead. But it's as if they were." Hermione sighed. "The reason I can't go home this summer is that my parents don't know I exist anymore. They were obliviated last year and they moved to Australia. Someone…inexperienced did it and it can't be reversed"

"You don't get it."

"I'm sorry. Do you want to be alone?"

He looked at her, a series of emotions fighting for dominance, and then his eyes went blank as he withdrew into himself.

"No. Go get your Charms book, we can go over that first."

"Are you sure? You don't-"

"Yes. We need to study."

She stood up and nodded, concerned about the sudden change in emotions, but she figured the best thing for his coping was if she went along with what he wanted to do.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

Thanks for reading everyone!


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone! I'm so sorry it took forever for this update. I've been ridiculously busy this semester, but I had an epic revelation for this fic in which all 30something of my random paragraphs and quotes came together in order of a plot (especially chapters 6 and 7)!**

Finals went by well for Hermione and Severus. They both had the habit of taking the entire time to complete the test, writing as much as possible. The pair of them must have been entertaining to watch, Severus so close to the papers he could practically touch them with his face, and Hermione frantically scribbling and flipping pages to add more to her already perfect answers.

The Slytherin Common Room was chaos as everyone tried to pack for the train the next morning. Still not getting along with the majority of Slytherins, Hermione gathered her things quickly, trying to stay out of the way of the angrier ones. Severus was also avoiding most of them, occasionally helping Lucius find random misplaced objects.

The Hogwarts Express left the platform shortly after lunch the Saturday after finals. Hermione and Severus had their own compartment on the way home. Going over the different study plans they had created, Severus said "I think we should start our reading on Sunday to give us tonight to unpack. There are lots of benches in the park where we can work. And I need to explain your schedule to my father...not that he'll care that I'm studying, but he'll want to know what I'm doing all summer."

Hermione was quick to agree, and happily finalized the schedule.

When they arrived at Kings Cross, Hermione apparated to the address Dumbledore gave her while Severus went through the platform's barrier to wait for his Muggle father as he had not taken his apparation test yet.

The flat Dumbledore found was a small, charming apartment on the third floor. It had a modest kitchen, a living room, a nice bathroom with a claw-foot tub, and a larger bedroom with a queen sized bed and a wall of bookshelves with a window-seat. Hermione loved it. Humming lightly, she began to unpack methodically. When she hung the last of her clothes in the wardrobe, she headed to the kitchen to make a list for the store, only to find that it was fully stocked. Everything seemed to be perfectly set up, and she had nothing to do for the first time in a long time.

Though they had only become friends a few weeks ago, Hermione felt weird being alone without Severus, since during her short time as a Slytherin student, they were inseparable. Hopefully his day wasn't quite as boring as hers was turning out to be. Picking up a book, she sat on the window-seat in her bedroom overlooking the park and Severus' house.

Almost two hours later, an old green Ford Anglia pulled into the driveway. Hermione saw Severus get out, struggle with his trunk, then go inside alone as the car drove off. Frowning, she wondered why it had taken them so long to get home and why he was alone. She wanted to go see him, but remembered he was insistent on not seeing her until tomorrow.

Around noon on Sunday, Hermione loaded her little beaded bag with all the books they might need and began to make lunch for the two of them. After shrinking everything, she headed outside and picked a somewhat secluded bench in the shade of three large oak trees across the creek toward Severus' house. As she sat, he came out of his house, comically carrying a stack of books that must have been as heavy as him.

It was strange seeing Severus in Muggle clothes. He was wearing dark jeans, black trainers, and an old black Clash t-shirt with a small hole in the collar. He set the books down on the edge of the bench with a heavy thud and ungracefully plopped down next to her. Starting with The Standard Book of Spells: Grade 7, their summer of studying had begun.

Severus would always sit or stand defensively, having his arms crossed or his palms down. He flinched ever so slightly when she was close to making physical contact with him; subtle enough that most people wouldn't even notice, but unintentionally enough for Hermione to notice. She wished he was at least as comfortable as he was at Hogwarts, where he was still defensive (arms crossed, lurking in corners, bending so close to his books and parchment that his nose almost touched them) but not as scared looking. It was weird since he was tormented at school up through the middle of sixth year when the Marauders began to leave him alone. Hermione wasn't really sure why as he wouldn't say anything about the Marauders except occasionally glare at them from across the classroom.

Something was going on and she wanted to find out what it was, but every time she approached more personal topics, or began asking questions, he would withdraw into himself and continue with a blank expression. Severus reminded her of Harry in that aspect, along with the guarded mindset and built up angst, but she couldn't determine the cause in Severus' case. All Harry had told her was that Severus was in love with Lily, who did not love him in return. It was heartbreaking for Hermione to imagine his situation: your worst enemy with the one you love, it must be worse than Lavender and Ron. She just hoped that she wasn't the cause of his more recent depression. She had an idea that maybe if she met his family she could find out more about him since he was so introverted, now more than ever.

When it was getting dark on the Friday of the second study week, Severus looked more sullen than usual, and a little anxious.

"Hermione..." he hesitated.

"Yes?"

"My father would like you to come over for dinner tomorrow night. He wants to see who I've been spending all summer with. You really don't have to come if you don't want to, or if you have other plans, or if -"

"Of course I'll come! It'll be nice" she interrupted.

"I doubt it. He's not the... nicest person"

"I've met loads of unfriendly people. He's your father! He can't be that bad, you're related!"

He just shrugged in response to her comment and began to pull into himself as he closed his book.

Sensing she was losing him to his internal thoughts, she spoke again

"Well, maybe if your brooding comes from him..." she said as a joke, carefully gauging his reaction.

The blank expression disappeared

"What's that supposed to mean?" Thankfully he just sounded surprised and not upset.

"Oh, Severus, you know what I mean!" she smiled "You'd be positively frightening to someone that didn't know you if you go around silently glaring at everyone like that!" she said mock innocently.

"Well, they'd be more frightened of your hair" he said defensively.

She sat there for a moment, then burst into laughter. Realizing she was kidding the whole time, he joined her contagious laughs.

"We don't... we don't exactly get along" he said, as if he wanted to say more, but Hermione knew that it was hard enough for him to even admit that.

"I really would like to meet your father, Severus, even if he's as bad as Grindelwald" Severus looked apprehensive that she'd spoken the name "Don't worry about it"

He gave her a small smile and stood up, offering his hand as her heart sped up and a smile of her own spread across her face.

Hermione sat on her window-seat deep in thought. When did Severus' smile begin to cause the reaction she had earlier? Since when did she think of him that way? Could he ever feel the same? She gazed out across the dimly lit park, past the smokestacks from the factories, past all of Spinner's End into the dark sky that reminded her of his eyes and sighed happily.

Well. She'd have to admit it to herself. She was crazy. If anyone had told her a few years ago that she would fancy her potions master, she would have laughed. But as much as she would have denied it before, Hermione was now sure. She was falling for Severus Snape.

**Thanks for reading! Next time we meet Severus' dad! Question: Would anyone like to see a chapter/part of a chapter from Severus' point of view or maybe the entire thing from his POV?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! Thanks for all of the reviews, favorites, and alerts! I've never had this many alerts before :)**

**Just a warning: this chapter is a bit darker and more depressing...**

**Also apparently my page breaks or transitions or whatever aren't showing up, so I apologize for any confusion in previous chapters...I think I've fixed it for this one, and now there are parts from Severus' point of view!**

In the morning, Hermione and Severus went to the grocery store together to get the things for dinner that night. He was going to make some kind of pasta. They went off in search of the noodles first. They finally found the kind he wanted; there was one box left on the highest shelf. Severus reached up to the top to grab the box and his shirt rode up a little. There was a large, oddly shaped bruise on the back of his hip and Hermione couldn't help but gasp.

"Severus, what happened?" she asked as she touched it lightly.

"Nothing!" he said quickly as he flinched away, "Erm. I tripped going down the stairs. Landed on my back."

She didn't completely believe him, as the whole time they were at Hogwarts he never tripped or did anything remotely clumsy. Though it could happen. She decided to let it go, but to watch him more closely, just to make sure.

At the end of the last aisle, Hermione saw Lily and Petunia. Trying to get Severus to move on to the checkout line before seeing them was unsuccessful. She awkwardly followed him as he went towards them, remembering Dumbledore's request to avoid them. Lily's eyes met his, then she looked away, frowning.

"Lily, I-" Severus started.

"Don't talk to her, you freak" Petunia said, "Who's this, your new girlfriend? Did you stalk her too?"

"No..." he replied and apparently that was answer enough for both questions as Lily walked around the corner and he followed. Hermione hesitated, then attempted to follow them, but Petunia stopped her.

"Hey. Are you a... one of them?" Hermione nodded "Hmph. Well you should know that some are better than others. You're all freaks, but at least my sister Lily is a good person. Not like the lot of Slytherins that Snape boy is with. I'd stay away from him if I were you, you might turn out decent"

Hermione could only give a noncommittal nod when Severus and Lily returned, Lily looking annoyed and Severus attempting to hide that he was upset. The Evans girls left quickly.

"Are you OK?" Hermione asked after a moment since Severus seemed frozen.

He jumped slightly. "I don't want to talk about it" he grabbed a jar of sauce and walked toward the registers.

Silently they went through the checkout line and walked the ten blocks to get back home. It was obvious that he still had feelings for Lily, though Hermione knew Lily would never feel the same way. She could tell his unrequited love was hurting him.

SEVERUS POV

Severus opened his mother's old recipe box and began to set out the ingredients. He always enjoyed cooking with his mother, since they both found it to be very similar to potions. As he started on the lasagna, the memories and thoughts he was so carefully hiding from the world came flooding back.

_Flashback_

_He was cooking with his mother. His father came in, drunk, and smashed the plates Severus had carefully arranged._

_Flashback_

_His father caught him crying and hit him across the face, saying no son of his was going to be weak._

_Flashback_

_He saw his mother sad and scared, being forced to follow his father upstairs, only to hear breaking glass and her quiet sobs later as Tobias left again. _

_Flashback_

_"Lily, please, let me talk to you"_

_"No, Severus. We're through. Leave me alone."_

_"But Lily, I swear I didn't mean it, please, I was just mad at Potter"_

_"You did mean it. You think you're so much better than me don't you? With all of your 'powerful' Slytherins? I told you before when you tried to sleep outside the tower and I'm telling you again, I'm in love with James and I'll never love you. I can and have done better. No one will love you the way you are. Get these delusions out of your head" she was beginning to get annoyed._

_"Lily, please" he whispered_

_"No. It's over. Find someone else to bother."_

_She turned away and walked around the corner. He followed, trying not to show how he felt._

Blinking back tears, he tried to move on in the recipe. He picked up the knife to slice the tomatoes, then froze, blankly staring at the wall in front of him.

Lily was right. Who could ever love him? He slowly brought the blade down to his scarred wrist. He never cut to feel, he didn't understand those people. He cut because he felt too much. The gash was still small when a memory of Hermione popped into his head, and his mind began to debate with itself.

Thinking of her, she seemed like a genuine friend.

'_Though so did the Slytherins and Lily at first_.' his internal hatred and pain manifested into a voice that sounded like his father_. 'it's your own fault the way you are_'

He really couldn't trust anyone. He brought the knife down again, about to cut, but paused.  
He thought of her kind brown eyes. Hermione was the first friend who didn't try to change him, to accept who he was. Surely that must mean something.

'_She's just using you_' said his subconscious.

_I'm using her too. We need each other. _

_'She'll betray you like everyone else did' _

_I think she understands me._

_'She only understands the part of you you let people see'_

_But she makes me happy for once_. He thought of their playful conversations as he took the knife away. He felt better, defying the voices his mind made to torture him. He cleaned the knife and put it away as he put more cheese on the top of the lasagna in the oven.

_'It'll only hurt more when she's gone. When she hates you. You're just giving yourself_ _false hope_' the voice sounded more like Lily now_ 'friends can't be trusted'_

He remembered the fiasco in the Great Hall. The needed each other. They were alone, isolated, but together.

_She seems to trust me and she needs me at school. For her I'll try. _

_'She'll never love you!' _the voices yelled together.

Unsure as to where that thought came from, he started to second guess himself as the doorbell rang.

HERMIONE POV

Hermione rang the doorbell at precisely seven o'clock. Severus opened the door wearing a tattered apron and looking a bit paler than usual. His hair was mostly pulled back, some strands had come loose, and there was a smudge of sauce on his nose. Smiling, she gently wiped it away with her thumb, noticing the slight flinch when she moved her had towards his face.

"Do you want some help with the rest of the cooking?"

He just nodded in response. Worried, she followed him, trying to think of how to get him to talk.

"What do you want me to do?" He got some ingredients out for garlic bread and gestured to it while he went to make a salad.

The timer on the oven went off and they both tried to go for it, causing Hermione to trip over Severus' shoe. He caught her quickly and helped her up. She looked down to where his arms securely held her.

"What happened to your wrist?" she tried to reach for it to look more closely, but he moved it away.

"I dropped one of the knives I was washing"  
They stood there for a moment, him still holding her up.

"Severus..."

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he trailed off as he let go of her and turned away to get the oven mitts, hands shaking. She took the mitts from him and got the lasagna out. He stood in the corner, looking at the ground.

"Hey" she said softly, a bit confused, and their eyes met. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

He nodded, as if unsure.

"Let's set the table. Is your father here?"

As if it was a response to her question, the front door slammed open and Tobias Snape came in, not quite drunk, but definitely not sober. Severus definitely didn't get his silent movement from his father. He stomped up the stairs and slammed the door to what was presumably his room. Hermione's eyes widened, but she didn't say anything as she carried the plates and silverware to the table. Severus poured water into two glasses with shaking hands, and when Hermione reached for a third, he shook his head sadly.

He would flinch at every loud noise, and at this point, it was like he was nervously twitching; upstairs sounded chaotic. They finished setting the table and Severus began to put food on the plates.

Tobias came back down the stairs, visibly more calm and collected.

"Hello, sir, I'm Hermione Granger" she said and held out her had. He stared at her for a moment, then went to get some beers from the refrigerator. She looked at Severus, who closed his eyes in apology, and as if bracing himself for something.

"Severus! We're running out of beer!" He came back into the dining room drinking one, and carrying three more bottles. His shoulder collided with Severus' back. Severus stumbled, but his father looked unfazed, as if it were on purpose.

And if it hadn't already been awkward enough, the dinner conversation quickly became just as unpleasant.

"So. You're his friend?" It was phrased more like statement of fact.

"Y-yes sir" Hermione said nervously.

"He doesn't have many friends. Are you a witch?"

She nodded

"Figures" he grunted. "Well, Severus, it seems you can never make normal friends. Is she a pureblood freak like your friends at school, or is she a filthy hypocrite like you?"

"They're not my friends." he said quietly.

It seemed as if Tobias could only keep his attention on one of the teenagers in front of him at a time, as he continued to talk to his son as if Hermione wasn't there. "Strange that your only 'friends' I've met are girls. I really can't say what they see in you, you're pathetic. What kind of man wants a son who's more interested in reading and cooking than sports and drinking?" his attention focused back on Hermione. "His only other friend was that Evans girl from your school"

"Has he told you about her? How he obsessed over her, how he followed and practically worshiped her? Even for a witch, at least she finally got some sense and stopped talking to him." He turned back to Severus. "The only normal thing about her was that she rejected you. Her sister seemed wonderful, too bad you'd never be good enough to be friends with her"

"Has he told you he's the reason his mother is dead?" He asked Hermione. "He's so weak that he cries himself to sleep every night."

Severus just sat there, barely flinching as all the hateful words lashed out of his drunken father's mouth, eyes flickering between a blank expression and blinking back tears threatening to fall.

"You look disappointed, Granger. Is it because he's worse than you expected? Or is it because you're jealous he wants Evans instead of you?"

"Don't talk to her like that" Severus finally said something, though it was much more timid than he'd intended.

"Don't talk back to me, you ungrateful brat! You're such a disappointment!" Tobias snapped.

"He's your son! How can you talk to him like that?" Hermione couldn't stand being silent anymore.

"He's no son of mine"

She felt Severus wince beside her, and it was as if he froze and deflated at the same time. She took his hand and kissed him on the cheek, trying to wordlessly convey that she was still on his side.

"Come on, Severus, let's go." she said quietly.

"Get out of my house!" Tobias yelled after them.

SSHGSSHG

On his porch, Severus hesitated.

"Walk me home?" she asked, but it was more of a command. He nodded and they walked most of the way across the park, but Hermione stopped them before they could cross the street.

"Severus, I'm sorry if-"

"It's not your fault. He's like that most of the time"

"Is there anything I can do?"  
"No. How could you possibly help?" he said bitterly, looking away.

She took his arm and he didn't protest this time a she turned it over and gasped. Besides the one cut she thought she had seen earlier, there were a dozen more, ranging in size and color. Most were old and faded to a pink or white that stood out against his pale skin in the moonlight.

She looked up at him, shock and sadness evident in her expression.

He closed his eyes, unable to face the disappointment and shame he was expecting from her.

"Why?" the whispered word seemed loud in the silence.

He kind of shrugged, "I wasn't trying to kill myself, I just...I just feel the physical pain and I'm in control of it"  
She felt tears come to her eyes "I'm sorry."

"I thought maybe you'd understand," he said, assuming she didn't ."I don't want your pity."

"No I understand, it makes you forget about...everything else for a while" she lightly traced the scars with her fingertip.

"Yeah"

They remained silent for a while.

"He's right. I'm just a disappointment. I'm nothing"

"Don't say that!" one tear rolled down her cheek.

"I'm ugly, worthless, and a failure. It's true"

"It's not," she whispered.

"Severus, please" she said weakly.

He looked up

"Please don't do this again, I can't... you don't... I just... please?" she stumbled over her words.

He just looked at her, too many emotions to distinguish in his dark eyes.  
"When you're here...it helps me" he admitted softly.

A different kind of tears blurred her vision. Uncharacteristically unable to come up with anything to say, she enveloped him in a tight hug, burying her face in his shirt to stifle her tears. After a moment, she felt his hands slowly move from his sides onto her back and encircle her shoulders.  
The broke apart, still holding each other. He looked into her brown eyes and hesitated.

"I have to go. He'll be worse if I'm any later"

She nodded sadly and watched him walk back to the hell that was his home. Little did she know this was just the beginning.

SEVERUS POV

Laying in his bed that night, Severus could not sleep as thoughts raced through his mind.

Did he really like her or was he just filling the void in his heart? Could you fill your heart with one person? Could they replace all the missing pieces?

He had finally started accepting that Lily wouldn't love him, but could he move on? Could he learn to love again?

He was just starting to realize how much he needed Hermione in his life. She really was the only person who truly seemed to care, who actually made him happy, who didn't just hear him, but listened to him.

He rolled over and for once, the tears didn't come as he drifted off to sleep.

HERMIONE POV

There was a letter written in green ink on her table. Opening it, she confirmed her guess that it was from Dumbledore.

_Miss Granger_

_I need to meet with you sometime next week to discuss your mission. I will come for you when the time is right_

_APWBD_

She was hesitant to meet with Dumbledore if it meant leaving Severus for an extended amount of time. He seemed to really need her here. She had some questions for the Headmaster, and hopefully their meeting wouldn't be too long.

SSHGSSHG

**Wow. It was hard for me to make Lily mean. **

**But thanks for reading! Reviews are very much appreciated. **

**A warning for future chapters: 7-9ish are a lot more emotional/depressing so be prepared... should I change the rating? **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone! Thanks for all of the alerts/favorites! It makes me really happy :)  
There's more angst in this chapter, but it's coming to an end...chapter 8 will be the last of the angst for a while at least :) **

**WARNING for angst though**

**Severus' POV isn't in this chapter, but hopefully will be in the next**

Hermione had been hoping Severus would talk about the dinner incident or about anything besides school, but it had been almost a week and she was beginning to give up. When she was getting out her books for that day, he hesitated.

"Hermione...can we skip studying today? Can I talk to you about everything?"

"Of course!" She shrunk the books and put them back in her bag.

"I'm sorry he yelled at you... He's been like this ever since I can remember. He was right about my mother's death. It was my fault. He hated her because of me. Because of me he wouldn't let her go to St. Mungo's."

"Severus, it can't be your fault."

"They were happier before I was born! My mother didn't use much magic anymore and that's how my dad liked it. When I was born, it was obvious that I was a wizard...I turned the doctor's hair pink." There was a ghost of a smile for a second, then it vanished. "Since I was born in a muggle hospital, the Ministry had to come in and obliviate them all. That was when my mother decided to use her magic again and teach me. That was also the day my father decided magic was a problem that needed to be eliminated. Within the week, his drinking problem turned into alcoholism. At first he would only yell at my mother, saying she needed to stop enforcing my weirdness, becoming angry that she was a witch herself. Then he'd yell at both of us, but my mother tried to direct it all on herself; she said I couldn't help my magic outbursts since I was only a baby. Sometimes he would hit her, but it was mostly just yelling. When I was old enough that it was obvious I could control my magic, his physical anger turned more towards me, though he was still furious with my mother, saying it was her fault I'm this way. I would try to stop him whenever he tried to hit her, she was weak and couldn't take much more, and he would just get angrier with me, but at least he'd leave her alone for a while."

"He hits you?" Hermione said, shocked. No wonder he was so jumpy. He was punished for being himself?

"Yeah. That's why I like it at Hogwarts so much. He seems to almost forget I exist when I'm gone and would mostly leave my mother alone. It's not all the time, but I'm always expecting it. I suppose he likes it when I'm nervous. Sometimes I know it's coming, if it's my fault, like if I'm late. If anything is not exactly how he wants or expects it to be, he assumes it's because of magic. It's usually not too bad, but one day... I had gone home for Christmas break last semester, and it was my birthday the day before we went back to school, so I wanted to do magic outside of school with my wand. I almost didn't because I knew my father would be angry, but my mother insisted since it was my birthday. He got home just as I was charming our teapot to spin around the table. He jumped at me, but my mother threw herself in the way, and they knocked over some new potions ingredients she bought me. A lot of it got on her, but my father wouldn't let me see and wouldn't let me help. That time was the worst he'd ever beaten her. She never got better either. I told him St. Mungo's could help, but he wouldn't have anything to do with it."

"A few years ago, I told Lily about what was going on. She wasn't the best listener, always interrupting with ways to fix things that wouldn't work. Lily said I should just stand up to him. She didn't believe me when I said it just makes it worse."

"Lily knew about this?"

He nodded.

"She _knew_, and she still treated you like that? She still left you?" Hermione was appalled "What kind of a person does that?"

"You mean... you won't leave me?"

"Severus, I will always be there for you, even if you don't want me to be. I could never leave you now, especially at a time when you need someone. I promise I'll stay with you-" he cut her off with a kiss. When he seemed to realize what he was doing he froze and jumped back. He got up, looked as if he were about to say something, then took a step back.

"Don't" Hermione called.

He hesitated for a moment, not quite making eye contact, then sat back down on the bench.  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you."

"Severus, I-"

"I know" he interrupted miserably "I know you have no feelings for me. You were being really nice and I ruined it like I ruin everything. I know no one will ever love me, just say it. I know it was probably the most disgusting moment of your life, someone so ugly forcing themselves on you," his hands clenched into fists in his lap "I'm just as bad as him."

Slowly, she reached out and pulled one of his hands into her lap with both of hers. She felt him stiffen, obviously unsure of the situation and bracing himself for the anger he expected.

"You'll never be like him. And you're not ugly." she said quietly as her thumb rubbed the back of his hand. He made a disbelieving noise. "Do you honestly think I care that much for appearances anyway? And you didn't force yourself on me, I could have stopped you."

Relaxing his hand and uncurling it, she slipped her fingers between his. Both of their gazes shifted to their intertwined hands.

"But I didn't want to stop you" taking a breath laced with hesitation, Hermione continued. "I really like you, Severus."

Their eyes met, his disbelieving with a small amount of hope threatening to surface, hers shining with emotion. She brought his hand to her lips and lightly kissed it. He stared into her eyes, daring her to show that she was lying. She reached up with her other hand and brushed a lock of slightly greasy black hair out of his face behind his ear, her hand coming to rest on the back of his neck. She gently pulled him down to her level. Their lips met for a few short moments in a soft kiss.

"Believe me now?" She said quietly.

He smiled for the first time in weeks.

There was a crack of thunder and Hermione stood up, pulling Severus along to her flat, both laughing and trying to avoid the rain. Their laughter stopped abruptly when she opened her door and the Headmaster was standing there.

"Good afternoon Miss Granger, Mister Snape"

"Hello Professor Dumbledore"

"I presume the two of you have plans, however I'm going to have to borrow Miss Granger for a moment, it shouldn't take too long"

Severus nodded and tried to walk out the door to go home.

"You can stay here," Hermione said "The storm's getting bad, and he said it wouldn't be long"

He looked much happier to be staying in Hermione's flat. He'd be by himself, but he'd be in a much safer place than his home. She silently put up a few wards out of habit as she left.

Dumbledore and Hermione walked to an alcove in the stairwell and apparated to his office (as he was able to apparate in Hogwarts).

He motioned for her to sit in one of the large armchairs in front of his desk.

"Well, Miss Granger. I have good news for you!" he said excitedly.

She looked at him expectantly.

"It appears as though I can send you back!"

"What? I haven't saved anyone yet"

"You've saved Mr. Snape" Hermione froze. Had she saved him? Not in the way she thought Dumbledore intended. But she wasn't done. He still needed help, she couldn't leave. She promised.

"But sir, he still needs my help. I need to go back to him and-"

"Miss Granger, I think you have altered his life sufficiently enough for the war to be in our favor," he rummaged through a drawer in his desk.

"The war? But he's still-"

"Here's the time-turner, it'll be as if you never left. Now that the future is better, you won't even remember going back in time." He said as if he thought he was giving her wonderful news.

"Severus will remember! He needs-"

"It will be best if you don't say goodbye, it'll only confuse him. Someone needs to abandon him to give him a reason to-"

"Will you stop interrupting and listen to me? The war is not the only thing that matters! If I leave Severus now, he'll be more broken and confused than ever. He's in my house, I can't just not come back. I can't leave him. I've made a promise. You've put him through enough. Today he was actually finally almost completely happy! Do not take that away from him. He's not your pawn; I've seen how you've treated him and how you've treated Harry, and I'm not letting that happen this time. If I leave, he'll have no one. At least Harry has friends. Severus has already lost his mother and Lily. I'm the only one left who cares about him. I will not make him go through that again. He's too vulnerable and losing someone else he cares about will push him over the edge!" By the time she was finished, she was standing over his desk with tears in her eyes. She never thought she'd see the day when she'd be yelling at her Headmaster.

"You let him move on from Lily and fall for you?" Dumbledore said, as if he was personally offended.

"Let him? It just happened. I don't regret any of it. I love him and I will be there for him whenever he needs me."

"This wasn't the plan"

"Screw your plan! You never told me any of it. I didn't know I'd be helping Severus, I didn't know I would ever go back to the future. You don't plan to fall in love, it just happens. You should have explained your plan better. You've been no help whatsoever."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but you're finished here." There was an air of finality to his statement, but Hermione was not allowing the conversation to end.

"Finished? I've barely started. If I'm here to help Severus, the best thing for him would be for me to stay. You have no idea what kind of hell he's going through right now! Leaving him now would be the final straw. He could die if he's alone. He needs me right now and his life is more important than your stupid plan"

Dumbledore looked taken aback "Miss Granger, there's no need for being dramatic. You're the brightest witch of your age, surely you can see that staying could alter the future in ways I haven't predicted?"

"You're supposedly the greatest wizard who ever lived, surely you could figure something out," she said sarcastically. She walked toward the door and turned. "And honestly?" she said with a deadly, quiet anger "I don't see any of that greatness now."

And with that she whirled around and stormed out of his office.

When Hermione apparated back to her flat, she was still fuming and let out a frustrated sound as she shut the door behind her.

"Hermione?" Severus said cautiously "What happened?"

"The idiot wants to send me back!"

"Back to Beauxbatons?"

"No, back to the-" she stopped when she realized her mistake.

"Back to what?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't trust me."

"You're the only one I trust! Keeping secrets makes me think maybe I can't trust anyone!"

"Severus..."

He looked away, angry and upset, more emotions on display than he ever cared for people to see. "Maybe I should go" he said quietly.

"OK I'll tell you!" she rushed to the couch and sat with him "I'll tell you everything that I can, please don't leave"

He gave a small nod.

"I'm... well, I'm from the future. About twenty five years in the future. There's a war going on and it wasn't looking good, so Dumbledore sent me back to save someone, only I didn't know who. I had nothing left in the future, I had to obliviate my parents last summer and they'll never remember me. My best friends are dead or sacrificing themselves for the light side. Dumbledore said the only way I could help was to go back and alter one life, but he thinks I've helped enough so he wants me to go back and I wouldn't remember any of this."

"You're here to save me? Why is the future so dependent on my life?"

"Dumbledore put you through so much. He preyed on your vulnerability and unrequited love for Lily. You were a triple agent. You're the most powerful Occlumens in the world. You did everything he asked, but it wasn't fair to you."

"You...knew me?" he said quietly.

"Yes" she sighed "You were my potions professor" she paused sadly. "But you're so different now. You're the most brilliant person I know. You're funny and kind and brave. I know you probably won't trust me again but I love you. It sounds crazy, but I've fallen in love with you, the real you. It wasn't his plan, Dumbledore had nothing to do with this and you deserve so much better. You deserve to be happy, and I'll do everything I can to keep you safe"

"You love me?"

"More than you know"

There was a pause "No one's ever loved me" he said, part sadly and part accusingly. She tried to put her hand on his shoulder, but he flinched away.

"You lied to me. You said you wouldn't leave!"

"I won't! I'm not!"

"I don't know what things you've said that I can trust anymore."

"Dumbledore made me lie at first, but I'm not lying anymore. If I could explain everything he put you through, you'd understand. I'm not going to let him hurt you. Everything between us was real and-"

"Just leave" he stood up "Leave. Go on. Everyone else always does. I should just get used to it" the bitterness in his voice reminded her of the man she used to know. There was no way she would leave now.

"Severus-"

He shook his head and walked quickly toward the door.

"I love you" She called quietly after him, knowing he heard as his step faltered ever so slightly, but he didn't turn around.

**Yeah majorly angsty chapter...**

**Fear not, it improves soon!**

**Thanks again for all the alerts :)**

**-Aulophobic Clarinetist**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey everyone! I know I promised to have this up last week, but I just wasn't completely happy with the way it turned out... you'd think with the amount of fluff I read I'd be able to come up with something easily... Oh well... my inexperience in real life is coming to haunt me... I'm not sure if I'm completely happy with it, it's kind of a strange transition stage between genres. Thanks for reading!**

**ugh also fanfiction kept giving me error messages when I tried to post this... **

**WARNING ABOUT THE ANGST/CUTTING btw**

**don't worry, it's nice and fluffy in the end :)**

SEVERUS POV

When Severus left, he stormed across the park angrily. She lied to him! How could he trust her? How could he trust anyone ever again?

Though only a few meters away, he was soaking wet when he got to his house. Was any of what she told him true? She lied before, she could lie again. He angrily got out a razor blade from the cabinet above the bathroom sink. The pain in his wrist was hardly worthy of mention compared to the emotional pain he was momentarily forgetting. He closed his eyes, focusing on the one thing let in his life he had control over.

'I love you. It sounds crazy, but I've fallen in love with you' he remembered. Lies! All of it. He knew Lily was right. His father was right. No one would ever love him.

He thought of the few times he'd been happy. All fake. He thought of everything he trusted her with, everything he said, how he'd opened up and got hurt because of it, again. She was using him. Every painful memory he temporarily erased with the dull pain of the razor.

'I love you' he remembered her sad call after him, tears breaking her voice. Was that real? Could he forgive her lies? If it was real, he caused her tears. It was almost enough to make him wish she lied, he didn't wan to cause her any pain if she truly cared.  
The front door opened noisily and Severus panicked. Quickly turning on the sink and grabbing some towels he tried to hide the evidence. If his father found out...

"Severus! Why is the floor wet? Get down here now!" he yelled, words slurring angrily.

"I'll clean it up in a second" he called, hopefully he sounded normal enough.

He ran down the stairs with some more towels and began to wipe the floor. His father watched, not helping.

Severus cursed silently as a drop of his blood fell into the puddle he was drying. He closed his eyes, the attack was inevitable.

"What the hell is that? I told you I wasn't going to put up with any of your depressed nonsense anymore!"

"No one's asking you to put up with me" Severus retorted, sneering.

Fuming, Tobias threw his bottle at him, the shattered glass cutting his back and chest, the biggest slash on his upper arm. The alcohol burned in the cuts.  
"Get up!" he snarled and grabbed Severus' arm hard. Severus stumbled at the rough transition to standing.

Severus silently took the hits, not giving his father the pleasure of seeing him cry. He focused solely on his hatred for the man. He fell over, but the blows didn't stop. Tobias kicked his leg angrily. He pulled him up by the neck, but didn't let go, his drunken state enforcing his hatred towards his son.

Severus couldn't breathe. He knew he was dying, or at least losing consciousness. Did it really matter anymore? It'd be better if he were dead. Everyone would be happier. And he wouldn't have to deal with this. He closed his eyes.

'I love you' he remembered, her broken voice awakening him.

All of a sudden there was a blinding white light and his father was thrown backwards.

Gasping for breath, Severus tried to stand up straight.

"You freak!" Tobias managed to say and with a final shove, threw Severus backwards where he landed on the broken glass.

Severus didn't move until he heard the front door slam and screeching tires on the pavement. He struggled to sit up, to stand up. He was in so much pain. The thought of Hermione and the light helped him. It had to be because of her love. He wished with all he had that she hadn't left yet, that she really cared. He limped his way out of the house, having a hard time with the stairs. He crossed the street carefully. Her lights weren't on. No. He fell over at the edge of the park. He was alone. Truly alone. He pulled himself over to the bridge and painfully drew his knees up to his chest.

He hated the world and everyone in it at that moment. He hated his father for everything. He hated Lily for all the pain she caused. He hated Hermione for leaving him. He hated Dumbledore for all the trouble he created. He hated himself for allowing his hopes to rise. The burst of light must have been from himself. She had fulfilled her duties. She had saved him. And now, when he needed her most, she was gone.

HERMIONE POV

Hermione sat there for a while after Severus left, not really sure what to do anymore. All she knew was that she wasn't going back. Severus needed her whether he wanted her or not.

When night fell, she moved to her window-seat and stared wistfully out over the park. The lights were on in Severus' house and she hoped everything was going OK. She didn't even feel like reading, she just sat there sadly, worried and unsure.

All of a sudden, Severus' door flew open and Tobias stormed out, slamming it behind him. He got in his old car and sped away, swerving.  
Hermione was even more worried. As she contemplated going over there, the door opened again, slowly.

She could make out Severus' silhouette as he made his way out of his house. She stood up, hoping that he would come back. Her hope disappeared as he stumbled down his stairs. Hermione froze, wishing, praying he just tripped. He limped across the street and collapsed.

'No!' Hermione gasped to herself. She ran out of her flat faster than she had ever run before. When she got to him, he was sitting against the low wall of the bridge. His arms were wrapped around his legs, one noticeably bent more comfortably.

"Severus, what happened?" She asked timidly. He remained still, staring into the space in front of him. The only acknowledgment that she received letting her know he heard her was a small sound in the back of his throat, as if he was trying hard not to cry.

"Severus. What did he do?" She asked thickly, her anger at his father evident. He kind of shrugged brokenly and put his head down on his knees, attempting to avoid eye contact and conversation.

"Sev?" Hermione said quietly, more concerned for him than she had been for anyone in her life. She put her hand gently on his shoulder. He began to sob uncontrollably, shuddering as the tears took away his breath. Not wanting to hurt him, she carefully encircled him in a hug and let him cry, whispering softly to calm him, silent tears of her own falling.

When his sobs turned quieter, she pulled him up and helped him into her flat. She led him to her bathroom where she found out that his injuries were much worse than she had originally assumed in the dimly lit park.  
When they were standing, Hermione's head didn't even make it to his shoulder, so she sat him down on her tub. Gingerly, she pulled off his T-shirt, noticing how it clung painfully to his back, and knelt down to untie his shoes. Once his socks were off, she helped him stand up and took off his jeans, leaving him sitting on the edge of her bathtub in his underpants. His eyes kept flickering between intense emotion and blankness as he was trying to block it out.  
She knew looking at all his injuries at once would cause her to break down in new tears, so she decided to start at the top and work her way down. She scourgified his hair and scalp to get rid of the blood and whatever else was in it. He winced from the rough spell, and Hermione decided to do things the muggle way whenever possible. Luckily they had practiced a few medicinal potions a while ago and she had them above her sink.

He had a black eye and a broken nose along with some scratches. She apologized quietly as she had to use episkey on his nose. She gasped when she saw hand shaped bruises on his neck.

Trying not to cry, she silently moved on to his back. There were dozens of cuts of varying depths, as if he'd landed on broken glass or if a bottle was thrown at him. She carefully removed the remaining shards of glass and gently cleaned the blood off his pale skin, then put drops of the healing potion over every cut.  
His chest had similar cuts and two of his ribs were cracked. He winced at the heat and chill from the episkey spell, but still made no noise.  
When she got to his arms, she saw the new slashes on his wrists. Their eyes met, Severus fearing her disappointment or hatred. She couldn't stop her falling tears. He started crying again too, not because her eyes reflected disappointment, pity, or fear, but because they held an understanding and a sadness for him. It was breaking her heart to see him like this, and he could see all the emotions in her eyes like a window into her soul. No one had felt for him like that before.

There was another hand shaped bruise above his elbow and a large gash on his upper arm. The cause of his limp was evident in an oddly shaped bruise and scrape on his thigh.

She could do nothing for the visibility of the bruises or the scarring. All they had learned were potions for pain and healing. She wished they had practiced a potion for scars, she didn't want him to have to live with the reminder of any of this. By the time she could brew a satisfactory scar potion, it would be too late.

When she finished treating his wounds, she transfigured some towels into the most comfortable pajama pants she could and a large, soft T-shirt. He still hadn't spoken a word and just blankly looked at her when she held them out.

"You're sleeping here, Severus" she said quietly with a sigh. He still seemed frightened and unsure of doing anything on his own, but a little relief showed. She helped him into the pajamas and led him to her bedroom.

She tucked him in gently and picked up her own pajamas and a blanket to take to the couch for herself.

"Stay," he rasped, "Don't leave me. Please."

Her heart broke, melted, and ached for him all at once. It wasn't fair, he didn't deserve any of this pain.

"Just for a little while? Please?"

She nodded, then went to change quickly. When she climbed into the left side of the bed, Severus was curled up tightly on the right. She pulled them into a hug-like position, his head tucked into her shoulder, her arms around him protectively.

"I'm sorry. I promised you wouldn't get hurt. You're never going back there again. When he's gone I'll go get your things, and you'll stay with me until we go back to Hogwarts. I'll never leave you alone," She lightly stroked his hair until he fell asleep. "I love you," she whispered and kissed the top of his head. In her arms, it was the first night in years that he didn't have nightmares.

SEVERUS POV

The next morning, the rain and light thunder woke Severus up. There was something fluffy in his face. He opened his unbruised eye and was met with a mass of brown curls. Somehow during the night they had completely changed positions. Severus had apparently relaxed enough to lay flat, and Hermione was using his upper chest as a pillow, arms still tightly wound around him. His arms were free, and he lightly brushed her hair off his face so he could breathe properly. Did she know she stayed all night? He tentatively put his arm around her, and she snuggled more into her 'pillow'. He was so thankful for her. He rubbed her arm lightly with his thumb as he held her. He didn't know where he'd be without her. She was his reason for living, his shelter and refuge, his whole heart. Holding her felt right.

"G'morning Sev," she said with sleep in her voice.

"You stayed..."

"You asked me to," she replied simply, eyes still closed. There was a loud crack of thunder and Hermione flinched, tightening her grip on him. He smiled a little and put his arm a bit more securely around her and she seemed to relax.

They lay together for a while, listening to the sounds of the storm, just needing to be in each other's presence. When the rain quieted a bit and the thunder died down, Severus broke the silence with her name.

"hmm?" she replied.

"Thank you...for everything. I thought you were gone. I'd die without you. Your love saved my life. I wish I could say it back, but I can't yet. It's not that I don't, I just... no one's ever... I want to be there for you like you are for me, I want to help you if you ever need me..." he trailed off from his rambling, not fully able to express all his feelings in mere sentences.

"I know" she murmured. She sat up a little, releasing her tight grip on him, and lightly kissed the tip of his nose. "It's OK."

He buried his fingers in her hair and gently brought her lips down to his own. They lay there for a while, kissing softly. Hermione delicately traced the scars on his face with the tip of her finger. He closed his eyes, leaning slightly into her touch. He drew in a light breath as she kissed his eyelids gently. She took her time and kissed every one of his scars. With each caress of her lips, he felt his emotional pain slip away, healing and freeing him.

He felt her move down his neck and across the exposed part of his shoulder, her impossibly soft lips tenderly brushing the paths she had traced with her fingers. She made her way back up to his mouth where they remained, kissing tenderly, for what felt like ages.

HERMIONE POV

That afternoon, Hermione went to Severus' house. She quickly packed his trunk with everything in his room. She shrunk it and took one last glance around the depressing house, making sure she didn't forget anything. She locked the door behind her and crossed the park back to her flat. He was finally free.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Hey everyone! I'm so very sorry about the long wait. Thank you to everyone who's added this story to their watch and favorites! **

**I've been getting a few reviews about how this story seems to be moving fast/confusing and not detailed enough...so I've tried to fix that in this chapter, I hope everyone likes it, let me know if I'm doing better... maybe someday I'll go back and rewrite the beginning chapters. I just didn't want it to get repetitive by writing out every day of their lives. When I write I tend to see the scene in my head like a movie, and sometimes I forget to describe all the details. It's definitely something I'm working on. **

**Thanks for sticking with me and reading and reviewing! **

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. If it were, there would be a whole series set in the Marauder-era :)**

oOoOoOo

Severus and Hermione spent the next few days unpacking Severus' things and adjusting to living together. Living with him reminded Hermione of her time with Harry in the tent during the war.

Severus had been starved for gentle physical contact, and even the slightest touches and holding Hermione's hand made him happy.

Severus' injuries were healing nicely, scars fading from a garish red to more subtle pinks and whites. His black eye was still dark, but he could open it again. Every night spent in Hermione's arms was a peaceful one with no nightmares haunting his dreams.

Though he was visibly relieved, Severus was still quietly solemn. Hermione had been trying to get him out of his protective shell.

Finally when they were at the grocery store, Hermione noticed an advertisement for a traveling funfair that would be in town that weekend.

SEVERUS POV

"Ooh Sev, look!" she pointed to the advert. "We should go!"

He looked at it, a bit confused by all of the bright colored letters and her sudden enthusiasm.

"I don't...I don't know what that is," he said, unsure as to what about the colors made her so excited, and unsure that he would fit in at a place so...giddy.

Hermione looked positively horrified, "You've never been to a funfair? You've never heard of one?"

"...no?"

"Oh we're most definitely going. I used to go all the time when I was younger, they're so much fun! You're going to have such a good time!" She was beaming.

He looked at the garishly bright poster doubtfully. He turned back to Hermione, her face lit up with joy and hope for him to experience it as well. He nodded with a little smile. Perhaps he would have...fun...after all.

OoOoOoOo

There was something about the bright colors, the sweet smells, the rides, and the happy-yet-slightly-creepy carnival music that made it almost impossible for Severus to keep his customary stoic expression on his face as they arrived.

"See?" Hermione said with a laugh "I told you you'd like it! Come on," she pulled his hand along to the ticket booth where she bought enough tickets for them to go on all of the rides at least once.

"What do you want to do first?" She asked.

He looked around the fair in wonderment. How could he decide what to do first? There were so many odd looking rides (some which he highly doubted the safety of), strange looking games, different smelling foods, and … what was that?

A small booth with a circular bin of pink fluff caught his eye. He'd never seen anything like it before. He watched as the attendant put a stick into it, scooped up a bunch of the fluff, and handed it to a child. If he didn't think that was weird enough, the child promptly picked off a chunk and plopped it in his mouth. It was edible? The child smiled happily and ran off towards his parents. Severus took a step forward towards the fluff, mesmerized and confused by it.

"Hermione, what's that?" he pointed at the fluff machine, confused and in awe of the odd food.

"That? Oh it's candyfloss! You've never had candyfloss?" He shook his head and she dragged him over to the booth.

"One candyfloss please," she handed the man a ticket. Severus watched as he poured some crystals into the basin, and his eyes widened as it spun into the pink fluff.

"Thank you," Hermione took the fluff and handed it to him. Severus was still staring at it intently. With a laugh, she pulled him away and they began to walk through the fair.

He held it up awkwardly, not quite sure what to do with it.

"Sev, you're supposed to eat it"

"Are you sure? And I thought you said this was a muggle thing. How could those crystals turn into this fluff without magic?"

"Yes, Sev, you eat it. It's spun sugar. Muggles love it."

He tentatively picked off a small piece and put it in his mouth. It tasted good. But it disappeared!

"Hermione, it's gone!" he said, awestruck. Sure the wizarding world had all sorts of strange candies, but this was truly magical.

She laughed again, it was a beautiful sound. If heaven had a sound, it would be her laugh.

"It dissolves," she explained as he held it out to her. She hesitated and took a small piece.

"My parents would kill me if they knew I was eating this," she said a little sadly, then shook her head slightly, smiled, and ate it. They finished off the candyfloss as they made it to the first of the rides. It was an strange looking metal thing.

Severus looked up at the metal contraption warily. They were willingly about to sit in it and let it move? It was called the Sizzler Twist and he thought the name fit it well. There were three huge metal arms, and hanging from each was a set of four pairs of seats. From the looks of it, there was only a thin metal bar to hold you in. It was painted bright blue and yellow, with lights trimming the edges. He watched as the spinning stopped and the arms lowered. The riders got off, some looking dizzy, but most seemed fine.

"Hermione...are you sure we should go on this?"

"Come on, Sev, it'll be fun!" she said reassuringly and put two tickets in the admission box.

His trust in her was the only thing keeping him walking on to the ride. They picked a pair of seats and the ride operator locked them in.

"Are you certain this is safe?" he looked at the little metal lap bar doubtfully.

"Safe enough," she shrugged.

"Safe enough? What does that even-" his panicked speech was cut off when the ride made a rubbery metallic screech and they were thrust a few feet into the air. He gripped the little bar, holding on for dear life as the large arms began to spin, causing the four smaller ones to rotate as well, his knuckles turning white from his death grip. He risked a glance at Hermione. She was laughing and letting her feet swing along with the momentum. So...it was supposed to do this? It seemed less frightening from the ground. He gently eased his grip on the lap bar and willed himself to become less tense just in time for the ride to be spinning at it's fastest. It actually seemed a bit fun. In fact, he decided he quite liked it.

Even though he wasn't in control, it was freeing to spin in the air without a care in the world. The ride ended all too soon in his opinion.

"Well, Sev? How was it?" Hermione asked when they were released from the seats.

"It was...fun" He smiled, not really sure how to describe it. She laughed and took his hand.

"Where to next?"

He looked around, still a bit overwhelmed by the whole experience, and pointed at the closest ride. Hermione looked a little anxious, but nodded and they made their way over to the Swingaround. Now that he looked at it closely, he was having second thoughts. The Swingaround was a tall metal pole with ten two-seater pods attached to smaller poles that hung from the top. As it spun, the smaller poles lifted the cars away from the middle and higher into the air.

When it was their turn, Hermione climbed into the seat towards the middle that got fractionally less high than Severus'. When the ride began to move, she looped her arm through his and held tightly. Now Severus was a bit worried about this contraption, especially because Hermione's reaction to the change in speed was to tighten her grip and bury her face into his shoulder. He didn't understand why, this ride was great! He couldn't stop smiling. It was better than the first one, better than any of the flying lessons at Hogwarts. As it began to slow down, she let go and blushed a bit, looking embarrassed by her momentary freak out.

"Hermione, you look terrified."

"I am. Was. I don't like heights." She squeaked, "Or falling from them. Or moving from them, or-"

"Then why did you ride it?" he interrupted softly.

"You can't ride it by yourself" she said as if it explained everything.

The line for the next ride was a bit longer, but from the rapid change in Hermione's expression, he assumed it was one of her favorites. The Hustler was green and pink; a series of round cars on a horizontal wheel that rotated as they spun around. Hermione's glee was infectious by the time the ride started moving. After figuring out what exactly the rides, candyfloss, and other typical fair things foreign to him were, Severus was having the time of his life. He also was excited that the majority of muggle rides involved spinning in a circle of some sort.  
"Hermione, can we go on that again?" He asked as they stumbled off the ride, dizzy. She nodded and they got back in the line.

After eating a strange thing called a funnel cake (which tasted amazing), he noticed Hermione's wistful glance at the carousel. She was about to ask what he wanted to do next again. She really was too nice, forgoing her favorites to make sure he had a good experience. He led them to it.

"Are you sure, Sev? I know you like the faster ones," She asked, obviously hopeful.

"And I know you want to ride this," he responded playfully.

She smiled (he found that he quite liked her smile, especially when it was directed at him) and they selected a pair of beautifully painted horses.

The carousel seemed to be the source of the interesting music as it began to slowly rotate, the horses moving up and down as if racing.

When the ride stopped, Severus got down first, and held out his hand for Hermione, who's horse ended all the way in the air. She tried to slide off gracefully, but stumbled forward into Severus, skillfully turning her fall into a hug.

They headed further back into the fair, towards some rides whose music was more familiar to Severus. The majority of people near these rides seemed to be about their age. They made it just in time for the next cycle of a ride called the Himalaya. Severus wasn't sure what it did, he assumed it spun, as it was a metal contraption of a ring of cars on an incline with a few steeper looking hills. He and Hermione climbed into a car near the back. The operator put down their bar, finished checking the other passengers', and started the ride. At first it was a bit slow, but it just kept getting faster and faster. Severus loved it. If Hermione's grin was anything to go by, she did as well. The Himalaya spun around even faster, sliding Severus impossibly closer to Hermione. It began to slow down. All of a sudden, the ride lurched backwards and began to spin in the opposite direction. Severus grabbed the bar in alarm, but Hermione was laughing happily. After a moment, he realized it was actually fun.

"Why didn't you tell me it was supposed to do this?"  
"It's more fun when it's a surprise!"

HERMIONE POV

After finishing off the more exciting rides in the back, the last one was the Ferris Wheel. She never liked Ferris Wheels, but everyone seemed to like them, and she was determined to get Severus to experience everything.

They walked up to the line for the Ferris Wheel. Hermione looked at the height of it, which was intimidating from the ground, and paled a bit.

"We don't have to go on this, Hermione,"

"Yes we do. You've never been on one." she was rationalizing it in her mind. Severus deserved to go on every ride. It would only be a couple of minutes. She could handle it. He had a way of calming her down.  
"But you-"

"I'll be fine," she interrupted and pushed the little gate open to hand their tickets to the operator.

Once it was their turn to get on, they got a green car and the operator locked down the bar. They were towards the back of the line so they only had to wait for a few more couples to load before the full rotations began. Before they had even reached the top, Hermione had grabbed Severus' hand, and now was holding it rather tightly. She panicked slightly when he gently pried his fingers free, but felt much better when his arm curled around her shoulders protectively, pulling her safely to him.

The wheel made a few rotations before slowing to a screeching stop. Their car was at the very top. Hermione began to panic again.

"Sorry everyone, we're having some electronic issues, we hope to get it moving again soon," the ride operator announced.

"Soon? We're stuck? Stuck!" Severus' hand lightly rubbed her arm as she began her terrified rant, "We're going to die! I don't want to die! Sure I thought I was going to die in the war, but I had my wand and this is a muggle fair. We haven't even taken our NEWT's yet! I'll never be a seventh year student! I-"

She felt his other hand tenderly turn her chin towards him and he kissed her, cutting off her scared rambling. His lips gently moved against hers and she became lost in the sensation. It was one of the first times he'd initiated a kiss, and what a kiss it was. 'He should do this more often to shut me up' was the last coherent thought she had before her brain turned to mush as his tongue brushed lightly across her lower lip. They reluctantly broke apart when the Ferris Wheel finally started moving again.

"Thanks," she murmured, a bit embarrassed, "I love you, Sev."

He smiled softly and kissed the top of her head.

OoOoOoO

SEVERUS POV

It was after midnight by the time they got back to Hermione's flat. Hermione was almost asleep by the time Severus finished brushing his teeth.

"'Night, Sev." Hermione mumbled sleepily as he turned off the lamp by the bed, "love you."

Severus smiled and pulled the covers up. He curled up behind her, arms around her waist, and gently nuzzled his nose into her hair. Today had been one of the best days of his life. Hermione was amazing. It suddenly hit him that he loved her. It was different, and much stronger than what he'd felt for Lily. But how would he tell Hermione? He didn't want it to be random; it had to be perfect. She deserved perfect.

He fell asleep trying to figure everything out.

HERMIONE POV

A tapping on the window woke them up the next morning. Outside was one of Hogwarts' brown owls. Along with the usual school letter and supply list, there was a note from Dumbledore requesting that they talk with him in Diagon Alley later that day. She sent a reply saying that they'd meet him at the Three Broomsticks.

Meeting Dumbledore was one of the last things Hermione wanted to do, but she expected him to want to talk before the next semester started.

oOoOoOo

Severus and Hermione entered the Three Broomsticks and noticed Dumbledore sitting at a discreet booth in the back. They made their way over to him, Hermione trying not to show the anger she still had towards the headmaster.

"Good afternoon, Miss Granger, Mister Snape." He greeted and they nodded in reply.

"I have decided that it would be best for you, Miss Granger, if you were to remain in this decade for the time being," Hermione rolled her eyes at this, "and now you will actually have a seventh year at Hogwarts. However beneficial it may be, I cannot allow the two of you to continue living together when you return to Hogwarts. You will return to your separate rooms in the Slytherin Commons. I do not want any suspicion of your special situation, and there will also be no additional private potions study hours as you had last year. Do you understand?"

Hermione was about to retort, but Severus mumbled "Yes, sir"

"Good!" Dumbledore stood up smiling "See you both at Hogwarts," he called cheerily as he walked away.

"Severus! That's not fair! How can you agree to that? You need the extra potions hours, you were almost finished discovering a second way to brew Wolfsbane!" she began to rant angrily.

"As long as it keeps you here I'll agree to whatever he says." He took her hand across the table, "I'll do whatever he wants if he let's you stay."  
She squeezed his hand lightly in response, all anger disappearing from her.

Hermione and Severus split up to get the remainder of their school supply lists. Severus went to get quills and ink while Hermione went to get the rest of their school books.

"Meet back here in an hour then?" She kissed his cheek goodbye.

"What do you think you're doing Miss Granger? Don't play with that boy's heart." said Dumbledore who seemed to appear on her left instantly the moment she was out of Severus' earshot.

"I'm not," she replied shortly and began walking quickly towards her destination.

"Come now Miss Granger, there's no need for hostility, I am allowing you a seventh year at Hogwarts. You should be thanking me."

"This is not about you! This is not about me either. It's about Severus and how you're treating him unfairly. He needs me to be there. He was discovering new potions. He's brilliant and you're limiting him!"

"Mere trifles in comparison to the damage you'll cause when you leave him." Dumbledore responded smugly, the twinkle never leaving his eyes.

"I'm not leav-" she ended in a frustrated scream as Dumbledore disapparated mid-sentence. She continued her shopping muttering to herself.

When Hermione and Severus met up again, he was a bit moodier than usual, answering in short, clipped, monosyllabic responses, looking as if he was silently arguing with himself.

"Sev, what's wrong?"

"Nothing"

Hermione hesitated. "Did Dumbledore-"

"No."

She looked at him, trying to decipher the battle in his eyes. His expression softened the slightest bit.

"Yes...Maybe..." He ended with a mumble, breaking eye contact to stare at his shoes as if they were suddenly extremely fascinating.

She gently laced her fingers with his.

"Don't worry, Sev. I'm not going anywhere," She squeezed his hand lightly and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek.

OooOoOoOo

**wooo end of chapter nine! What will happen when Hermione and Sev return to Hogwarts? Chapter 10 coming soon :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**I am so sorry about the ridiculous wait! I've been really busy with school, but now I've finally gotten on a schedule. I've been working a bit on what I believe will be chapter 12, it's very very long and very very complicated haha. **

**I feel like my writing style has changed a lot in the past year, and though I know what direction I'm taking this story in, I'm not exactly sure how; so I also plan on re-editing the first groups of chapters and maybe combining them so the first few aren't just a couple hundred words. I'm not sure when that will actually happen, but if you are subscribed to this story and start getting emails about me posting chapter 1, that's what's going on :) **

**Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews, and for all the alerts/favorites! You're all amazing :)**

oOoOoOo

The first of September arrived before they knew it, and all the students were heading back to Hogwarts. Severus and Hermione walked up to the barrier. He made a small gesture for her to go first and she ran through pushing her trolley, Severus following closely. She was surprised when he took her hand the instant they didn't need both for the trolleys. Severus put up a facade, his mask of indifference and slight anger covering his actual fear. Most people on the crowded platform didn't even notice them, though some of their fellow Slytherins glared over their trolleys. One of the fourth years did a double-take when he realized Severus was holding hands with someone.

Though they both enjoyed the school part of school, the people there were another story. Hermione squeezed his hand reassuringly, not wanting him to know she was just as nervous as he was.

They walked through the train, looking for an empty compartment. They passed a group of nervous looking first years, some Hufflepuffs playing exploding snap, and a couple of Ravenclaws discussing their new textbooks and plans for their schedules. They hurried past the compartment of Slytherins their age, and Hermione was horrified when she thought she saw a dark mark out of the corner of her eye. They passed the marauder's compartment. Severus managed not to make eye contact, but Lily gave them both a demeaning look whilst leaning closer onto James. Sirius was too busy snogging the same blonde Ravenclaw from last semester to notice them, Peter was staring obliviously out the window, and Remus was absorbed in a book. Finally they found an empty room towards the back.

The feast and sorting went by relatively well. Hermione and Severus sat near the end of the Slytherin table and kept mostly to themselves. A few first years looked as if they were about to approach them with a question, but the other Slytherins would get their attention first. Dumbledore had an almost constant watch on them throughout the meal.

The Slytherins retired to the dungeons. Most of the first years were exploring their new rooms, and the older students were hanging out in the common room. Severus and Hermione found a pair of wing-backed chairs by an enchanted window away from most of the crowd.

Eventually, Severus and Hermione were the only two left in the common room.

"Well, I suppose we should go to bed," Hermione suggested.

They walked to Hermione's door and the instant Severus was within two feet of it, the doorknob disappeared. The same thing happened to Severus' door when Hermione got close.

"I should have known Dumbledore would have done something." Hermione mumbled angrily to herself. "You go in first and try to let me in."

Severus went in his room and found that the doorknob on the inside was also gone when Hermione was near. She backed away and let him open the door. When she tried to step through the threshold, it was as if she ran into a brick wall.

"I have no idea what kind of spell this is. If it wasn't past curfew, I'd say we should go check in the library."

"He probably invented it," replied Severus moodily.

"We can sleep on the couch in the common room," she suggested.

He hesitated and looked almost as if he was going to agree, but shook his head. "No, I think I'll be fine. I've been fine ever since..." he trailed off, not really wanting to think about the events that led up to that night.

Hermione was doubtful. The one time he went to bed before her in the summer it had taken her nearly ten minutes to wake him from the nightmares.

She held his gaze, concerned.

"Well, if you need me, just knock," she finally sighed. "Promise you'll wake me up if you need anything."

Severus nodded and Hermione kissed him goodnight.

Hermione stayed awake for a while, worried, and hoping Severus would be fine.

oOoOoOo

Once he shut the door behind him, Severus felt a light sense of impending doom. He doubted he would be fine, but he didn't want Hermione to worry. He would keep his promise about waking her if the need came about, but he didn't know how to if he couldn't wake himself.

He climbed into his bed and lay awake. Without Hermione, surely the past would haunt his dreams. Finally he fell into a restless sleep soon to be plagued by nightmares.

oOoOoOo

The next morning Severus looked absolutely dreadful.

"Oh, Sev, I knew you wouldn't be ok," Hermione said, visibly upset. "We'll ask Madame Pomfrey for some dreamless sleep potion after class."

"You know I can't take that every night." Severus replied in a monotone. Hermione did know that, but she couldn't think of another solution at the moment.

"Just until we can figure out something else," she reasoned.

"Maybe tomorrow."

Professor Slughorn was handing out schedules at breakfast. Hermione and Severus had almost the same classes. Though she was in Slytherin this time, Dumbledore thought it best she continue taking Muggle Studies. Whether it was actually relevant, or his idea of a cruel joke, she was the only Slytherin in the NEWT level class, and the younger Slytherins across the hall in Charms gave her disgusted looks every time she went into Professor Burbage's classroom. Severus was taking Divination with the rest of the seventh year Slytherins who wanted an easy Exceeds Expectations. Dumbledore hinted to him that it would be helpful to take the class, and Hermione knew he was still meddling in the life of Harry Potter, scheming and plotting a way for Severus to hear the prophecy, though she doubted his plans would work well now that he didn't love Lily any longer.

Severus was obviously trying to avoid eye contact after each Divination class, and Hermione had yet to get the reasons behind it out of him. However, she assumed it was something to do with the amount of Slytherins in the class. His mood always seemed to drop whenever the subject was even mentioned.

They always did their homework together in the library, and one particular night Severus was working on a dream calendar. She looked up from her essay comparing the Tales of Beetle the Bard to muggle fairytales and saw he was quickly approaching an internal nervous breakdown. The calendar was blank, save for a few ink droplets where he had hesitated, holding his quill over the page.

"Sev, just make it up." He looked up, only a little surprised she had noticed.

"You mean just lie? On my homework?" he asked incredulously.

"I know, I know...it sounds ridiculous, especially coming from me, but if your Divination teacher is anything like the one I had, they'll just want to hear cryptic, depressing things that aren't realistic," Hermione explained. "My friends never wrote real things on their calendars. One of them had nightmares too, ones he couldn't really talk about or explain."

"Really?"

"Yes. He just picked metaphorical symbols randomly from the index and wrote about them. He got a decent grade in the class, though I'm sure you'd do better if you gave it a bit more structure."

By the end of the night, Severus and Hermione had constructed a somewhat entertaining dream calendar, laughing at the absurdity of it all. The calendar had him being followed by herds of bowtruckles, getting his head stuck in the trick step, and defeating a foe while losing a bet.

oOoOoOo

After many attempts at convincing Severus to go to Madam Pomfrey, Hermione practically dragged him to the Hospital Wing. He was getting worse, and restless sleep was almost like no sleep at all. The one night they attempted sleep on the common room couch, the Bloody Baron wouldn't let them remain asleep for more than five minutes at a time.

"I'm sorry but Professor Dumbledore has forbidden me to give you any potions without a legitimate medical need." Madam Pomfrey replied when they had asked for the Dreamless Sleep.

"There is a legitimate medical need!" Hermione raised her voice, "look at him!" she gestured to Severus whose already dark eyes were encircled with dark rings, and he swayed a bit on the spot as if he were about to fall asleep.

"I'm sorry, dear, that's my final word. I'm just following Professor Dumbledore's orders. If you can get a note from him, I'd gladly give you the potion." she ushered them out of the Hospital Wing and closed the door.

oOoOoOo

"The Bloody Baron hangs out in the common room, we can't brew the potion on our own, we can't get into each other's rooms, there's nothing we can do," Severus rambled, upset. "I just won't sleep!" he announced dramatically.

"We're going to have to find a way around the doorknob situation," Hermione decided.

He made a sound between a chuckle and a scoff. Really, what could they do at this point.

"I hate seeing you like this, Sev. We'll figure something out. We have to."

oOoOoOo

Severus was trapped within the nightmares in his mind. He could never wake himself from the terrible combination of fears and memories that haunted his sleep. He saw his dad come at him with fists raised, drunk. He had flashbacks of his mother crying, hurt. He saw his father hitting his mother. He felt the disappointment, blame, and guilt from everyone. Then, like a boggart, the body of his mother turned into Hermione. The dream Hermione was lying on the floor, covered in blood, and his father was in the corner wiping the crimson from his hands. He was forced back into memories when he remembered the times his father had thrown him into the mirror on the wall. Fixing that mirror was the only magical thing his mother had been permitted to do. It was his cruel controlling way of using magic against them, the mirror just a constant reminder of the abuse. Every time, they'd have to fix the glass shards that caused them pain. He remembered rejection of Lily, other Slytherins, his parents, Dumbledore. He remembered trying out for the Slytherin Quidditch team only to have his broom cursed by James Potter, falling to the ground in front of the whole school, becoming the victim for the rest of his school years. He remembered the times his mother couldn't bear to look at him. He remembered the times Lily appeared nice, but noticed a distance and cold blankness in her eyes and emotions. He remembered Hermione's concern and how he had rejected the one person who still cared. He moaned as he was forced into further memories, his mind replaying and warping them into nightmares he couldn't wake from.

oOoOoOo

Hermione awoke with a jolt. An instinctual feeling in the back of her mind knew something was wrong. She crossed the corridor to hear Severus' muffled mumbles and groans from the terrors in his sleep. She began to knock on the door, louder and louder, calling his name, trying to wake him up.

"Sev! Sev, wake up! It's just a dream!" She said loudly through the door.

"Alohomora! Bombarda! Bombarda Maxima!" She began throwing spells at the door, all of them getting absorbed by an invisible barrier.

His groans turned to terrified yells. The nightmares were worse than any other night she had heard.

"Reducto! Finite!" She continued to throw spells at the door, finally just waving her wand at it frantically.

Tears filled her eyes as she dropped her wand and began to uselessly pound on the door again, not caring if she woke up the entire castle in the process. She hadn't been able to wake him with sounds before, but it was all she could think of at the moment.

She sank down to the floor against his door, a few tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Please wake up. Please wake up, Sev" she muttered more to herself, his tortured sounds filling her mind.

Then a thought appeared. His room was on the side of the castle with the windows. She grabbed her wand and ran. If she could get out of the castle unnoticed...if she could get to his window...She ran out of the common room, the Bloody Baron barely paying attention. If she could get the window open...if she could fit through the window...She ran faster, faster still. If Dumbledore had forgotten to block it...if she could break it...so many if's and yet she ran and ran til she was outside the castle.

"Point Me!" she yelled at her wand and it brought her straight to Severus' window. In the moonlight she could see him thrashing on his bed from the pain in his mind. The window was small and though by her knee outside, it was at least six feet from the ground on the inside of the Slytherin dungeons.

"Alohomora!" to her immense relief and surprise, it opened. It would be a tight squeeze, but she could fit through.

She stuck her feet in carefully and dropped to the floor. The moment she was inside, she flung herself at him.

"Sev, I'm here, wake up," she brushed his hair from his face.

He shot up out of his bed and pressed himself into the corner. Then he seemed to take in his surroundings and realized who woke him.

He hugged her tightly, shaking.

"Shh. It's ok, I'm here. It was just dreams," she comforted him, lightly rubbing his back until his trembling subsided.

"How did you get in?" he asked later once he had calmed a bit.

"The window. Dumbledore must've forgotten. The Bloody Baron didn't notice me this time, but if I'm leaving every night, he's sure to see. If not him, then Peeves or Filch. But for now it's our best shot."

oOoOoOo

For the next few nights, Hermione would sneak out of the castle right around curfew and drop through Severus' window. The morning of Hermione's birthday was also a Hogsmeade trip. Severus woke up as early as the students were allowed to go, leaving a note for Hermione on a scrap of parchment on his pillow. Severus had been planning this for weeks. Tonight had to be perfect. Tonight, he was going to tell her he loved her.

After picking up a few things he needed for tonight, Severus was looking for a present for Hermione. He knew he shouldn't have waited until the last minute, but this was the only time he could go alone.

Finally, he saw it. The perfect present for Hermione. He really hoped she liked it.

When he got back to Hogwarts, he spent the rest of the afternoon in the abandoned Charms classroom setting everything up.

oOoOoOo

_Happy Birthday, Hermione! Sorry I had to leave you this morning, meet me at half past seven in the common room tonight. -Severus_

At six, Hermione began to get ready for her birthday dinner, her first date with Severus since they'd been back at Hogwarts. She had no idea what he was planning, and hoped he was fine, as she hadn't heard from him since that morning.

She opened her little beaded bag and went through the small amount of nice muggle clothing she had packed what seemed like forever ago when the Golden Trio set off on their quest to find the horcruxes.

Hermione picked out a simple blue dress with a full skirt. A good portion of time was spent pinning some of her hair back, letting her curls fall naturally.

oOoOoOo

At seven thirty, Hermione met Severus in the Slytherin common room. Most of the students were still in Hogsmeade so the castle was almost deserted.

He took her hand with a slightly nervous smile and led her down the hall to the abandoned Charms classroom.

"Close your eyes," he said when they reached the door. She did, and he opened the door, leading her through.

"Can I open them?" she asked after a moment. He took a final glance around the room.

"...now!" he said as he waved his wand one last time in a sweeping arc.

Hermione gasped. Severus had made the room unrecognizable. He had charmed vines to cross a few feet down from the ceiling and encircle the columns. He spelled dozens of fireflies to twinkle above them like stars. He had transfigured the window into a beautiful stained glass. All of the class tables but one he had pushed against the walls, covering them in flowers and candles that he had lit with the final swish of his wand. The last table was in the middle of the room, covered with a cream and gold tablecloth. On the table he had put a few little candles, goblets of pumpkin juice, and two bowls of fettuccine.

As they ate, Severus felt himself becoming more and more nervous. He knew he was being ridiculous. He knew she loved him, he shouldn't be so anxious. He loved her with all his heart and she deserved to know. But saying it out loud would be an entirely different thing. He'd never admitted love aloud before, and he'd never felt so much for one person. Finally, drawing up all the courage he could find, he spoke.

"Hermione, I..." he froze. He couldn't do this. But he had to. He wanted to. "I...you're beautiful," he finished rather lamely in his opinion, but Hermione blushed prettily and thanked him with a hint of understanding in her smiling eyes.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wrapped package. Hermione unwrapped the gift and her eyes lit up. Inside the box was a little silver locket in the shape of a book.

"Thank you, Sev, I love it!" Hermione held it out for him to put it on her and pulled her hair out of the way. He clasped the locket around her neck and let his fingers linger a bit longer than necessary. She turned and raised up on her toes for their lips to meet.

oOoOoOo

**Thanks for reading everyone! **


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone! Thanks for all of the lovely reviews and faves and alerts! I've changed the outline of this story somewhat, so the epically long chapter will be 13 instead of 12. **

**Also warnings for this chapter! Blood and knives and torture and things...**

oOoOoOo

September quickly progressed into October. The autumn air was crisp and the leaves were changing all around the castle. Sooner than they knew it, Halloween was upon them. The castle was festively decorated with pumpkins and candles, and a huge feast with all sorts of candy was planned for that night. Professor Flitwick was offering extra credit for any of the students who volunteered to help decorate.

Hermione was in her room getting ready to spend the rest of Halloween with Severus. He was still in Divination as her Muggle Studies class got out early for the holiday. They were going to help levitate some of the jack-o-lanterns in the Great Hall and then read by one of the dozens of tiny bonfires Dumbledore had made outside for any students wanting to stay warm while studying. All of a sudden her door flew open with a bang. There stood a dozen Slytherins, most of which had already graduated. She panicked, all of them would turn out to be Death Eaters. She was too slow in drawing her wand to defend herself.

"Stupefy!" Bellatrix shouted gleefully, "Petrificus Totalus!" Hermione fell backwards onto her bed.

"Hello, little Mudblood," she taunted. "Want to play?" she brought out a pointy silver dagger Hermione had seen before. A frightened tear escaped her. Bellatrix advanced like a starving panther stalking her prey. "Where should we start, hmm?" she said in her horrible mock-sweet voice. "Your pretty little neck?" she placed the knife there and Hermione let out a whimper. "Go on, Mudblood, I want to hear you scream." One or two of the younger Death Eaters looked on apprehensively, but the rest seemed excited. "How about your arms then?" She slowly dragged the blade across her left arm, blood dripping out, but not deep enough for permanent damage more than scarring. The pain was excruciating as Bellatrix continued to make random cuts across her body, some deeper than others, laughing at Hermione's tears and screams. "That's what dirty blood looks like!" Bellatrix shouted triumphantly as she finished carving the word 'mudblood' into Hermione's arm. Hermione felt her blood pooling below her. Her arms were drenched red and mangled, her legs mirroring them, and Bellatrix was currently slicing fine lines across her stomach and sides.

"Bella, that's enough, remember she has to be alive and awake for the next part," Rodolphus said hesitantly, stopping Bellatrix's dagger. Hermione would have sighed in relief if she wasn't almost unconscious from the pain and blood loss.

"Just for the beginning," she pouted disappointedly and tucked the dagger away.

They levitated her to the Shrieking Shack after a moment of confusion when MacNair had tried to pick her up instead. Three of them had tried the levitaiton spell at once, causing her to fly into the ceiling and bounce off a wall painfully. On the way in Hermione's semi-conscious state, she heard Bellatrix explaining that this was their initiation into the Death Eaters: kidnapping, torture, and killing of a Mudblood. "There's a reason they call it the Shrieking Shack!" she ended with an insane cackle.

The instant the petrification spell was removed, each of the Death Eaters took their chance practicing the Cruciatus Curse on her. She couldn't help but scream as her body convulsed from the pain. Finally, there were two left, Lucius and Bellatrix. She knew the worst was yet to come. The younger ones had been more hesitant, but these two would really mean it.

"Crucio!" Lucius said coldly. She didn't even know if she was screaming anymore. The loss of blood and the pain became overwhelming and she passed out not knowing if the curse was lifted, her last thoughts a prayer that someone would find her before it was too late.

oOoOoOo

Severus walked into the dormitories after Divination to find Hermione. Her door was open. Frowning, he walked over to it, but it appeared as a solid piece of wood when he got close to it. He ended up standing across the hall from it to look in. There was something red on her bed, and no sign of her in the room. He called her name and got no response. He slowly took a step forward and moved a bit to the left as a sense of dread washed over him. Blood. Panicking, he looked around and saw a droplet on the ground by his shoe. He followed them out of the hall quickly and groaned when he realized they led out of the common room. He would have run but he wanted to take note of any inconsistencies in the blood droplets. So far he figured she had struggled at first but now the drops were more uniform, as if she had been levitated. The drops led him out of the castle and he paled when he saw they went to the Whomping Willow. He hadn't been near that tree in a year since the...accident with Remus Lupin.

"Immobulus!" he commanded and quickly dropped through the hole between two large roots into the passage to the Shrieking Shack.

There were voices coming from the end of the hall. He slowed his footsteps and made himself completely silent as he realized they were Slytherins form the upper years but also students who had already graduated, ones he knew would have already joined the Dark Lord and have Dark Marks marring their arms.

Severus carefully peered around the corner and almost fainted at the sight. It was straight out of one of his nightmares: Hermione lay crumpled on the floor, unmoving, and drenched in her blood. He should go for help, get Dumbledore, or-

"Crucio!" he felt sick as he heard Lucius' voice perform the unforgivable curse and Hermione's screams pierced the air as she convulsed on the ground. Without thinking he rushed into the room, spells flying out of his wand in every direction. Two of his stunning spells hit Crabbe and Goyle and they fell over with heavy thuds.

"Protego!" he shouted as Bellatrix sent a jet of green light towards him. Luckily he was good at non-verbal spells as he whirled around, dueling the ten remaining people at once. He got another with a Stupefy, and a fourth with Sectumsempra. One of the seventh years hit him with a stinging hex and a sixth year used the Cruciatus Curse. After fighting it off, he stood up again, swaying a bit on his feet. How could he have been so stupid as to take on twelve armed Death Eaters alone? He miserably tried to think of a plan.

The Death Eaters paused, waiting for him to make the next move. He needed to save her. A rush of adrenaline overcame him and he went into action. He froze the two behind him over his shoulder and whipped his wand back in an arc to shield Hermione's body from Bellatrix's next jet of light. His next round of spells knocked MacNair and Greyback out. Four left. One from behind sent him spinning across the room, his leg colliding painfully with the wall. He threw spells around even more wildly, not caring if they hit with precision or killed, only making sure none hit Hermione. Two left. Lucius and Bellatrix. He couldn't see Hermione around Lucius, who was slowly advancing towards him, but Bellatrix was cackling over her.

"Avada-" he silently stunned Lucius before he could finish the killing curse. They had been friends. And now he was trying to kill him? His thoughts returned to Bellatrix and the fight.

Severus knew his leg was broken. He dragged himself closer to Hermione as Bellatrix pulled out her dagger again.

"Expelliarmus!" he called and it flew out of her hand. She looked up as if she'd forgotten he was there.

"Pity you couldn't join us earlier, Severus. You still have a chance you know," Bellatrix said snarkily. "Kill the Mudblood and you'll be safe."

Severus looked up with a feral glare. "SECTUMSEMPRA!" he bellowed and waved his wand in precise slicing motions until Bellatrix fell over, screaming.

Finally the Death Eaters were all on the floor in various states of defeat. Severus weakly crawled to Hermione's side.

"Hermione?" he whispered. She was so pale. He touched her wrist and felt a faint pulse. He let out a sigh of relief. She was breathing, barely, but still breathing. He lightly shook her shoulder but she didn't stir. He shakily lifted his wand once more and began healing all the cuts and bruises he could see. She had no response and her breaths became slowed and shallowed even more. She was dying, he was losing her. His fight had been in vain.

In desperation, he sent out a Patronus to Dumbledore, not noticing it had changed form as he gently brushed her matted hair out of her face and kissed her softly.

"Please don't leave me Hermione," He whimpered as he hugged her tightly to him, holding her protectively. "I need you. Please. I should have said it before, and I should have told you every day. I love you. I love you so much, Hermione, without you I'd die. Please hold on. Please don't leave me now. Please..." he trailed off, tears streaming down his face, as he slowly lost consciousness, still clinging to Hermione.

That was how Dumbledore found them twenty minutes later.

oOoOoOo

The next thing Severus knew he was in the hospital wing. He groggily blinked a few times, trying to remember what had happened and why his leg was throbbing.

"Hermione!" he sat up, looking around wildly. "Where is she?"

"Who dear?" asked Madame Pomfrey distractedly as she bustled about the infirmary making beds. "Take your potion now that you're awake." she commanded.

The other occupied beds were filled with the Slytherin students who suffered his wrath. There was no sign of Hermione. He drank the bitter tasting potion slowly, dread filling him once more.

The doors swept open and Dumbledore strode over to Madame Pomfrey. "How are they doing, Poppy? It was quite a nasty accident with the Whomping Willow."

Whomping Willow? Severus was confused. He had done that, not the tree. After Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey finished discussing the apparently unfortunate Slytherins, Dumbledore made his way to Severus' bed.

"Professor, where's Hermione? Is she...is she going to be alright?" Severus asked tentatively.

Dumbledore smiled slightly, "She'll be fine."

"So she's alive?" Severus said happily, "Where is she? Can I see her?"

"In time." Dumbledore responded. Severus felt his newly found hope plummet and his jaw dropped slightly in shock. Dumbledore patted Severus' broken leg and walked out of the room.

Dumbledore wouldn't have done it. Would he?

oOoOoOo

Gone. Hermione was gone. It was as if she never existed, the only evidence of her ever being here was the hole in Severus' heart. He numbly realized he had walked to the common room and was now standing in front of her door. The doorknob was there. If he wasn't so depressed we would have laughed at the irony. Her room was deserted. It looked like no one had lived there.

Severus began to frantically open drawers, hoping for any small thing he could find, anything of Hermione's to help him through this. Dumbledore had been thorough. He sank down onto the floor against the wall between her desk and the corner.

His thoughts drifted to his razor. He had promised Hermione he wouldn't cut. But she wasn't here. The voices in his head argued loudly as he summoned it.

"Shut up," he muttered weakly. He held the blade to his wrist then froze. Sobs overcame him and he dropped the metal to the ground.

A small glint in the back corner under her bed caught his eye. As he was gathering the strength to move to get it, the door burst open.

"Severus," Dumbledore greeted solemnly, taking note of the razor on the floor and the lost look in Severus' eyes, "I knew I'd find you here."

Severus made a scoffing noise, too emotionally drained to retort, and wanting nothing to do with the man.

"How about you and I have a little talk?" Dumbledore held his hand out. Seeing no other choice, Severus took it.

Hours later, Severus solemnly wandered back to the Slytherin dormitories. He sighed, knowing the nightmares would plague his dreams that night. He paused between their rooms, replaying his conversation with Dumbledore. He shook his head and stepped into Hermione's old room, pathetically and miserably flopping face first onto the bed. An angry noise escaped him when he realized all of the furniture in the room had been replaced; it wouldn't even smell like her.

Suddenly he remembered the metallic glint under the bed. He got onto the floor quickly and thrust his arm into the dusty darkness in the corner. The tip of his index finger brushed against a cool metal. He grasped the object and pulled it out to inspect it. A strangled sob came from his throat. It was the necklace he gave her. This changed things. It was the one shard of hope for his future self, the once chance he could be with Hermione later, but now he had it in the past. At least he had something of hers to hold onto now that the hope was gone. Tears poured down his face again in sorrow, confusion, and slight relief.

Clutching it tightly to his chest, he curled up on the bed and fell into a restless, fitful sleep, overcome with the exhaustion and emotions of loss.

**So much sadness! Thanks for reading, everyone! Next chapter we find out what happened to Hermione. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey everyone! Thanks for all the reviews! Here's the much anticipated Chapter 12 :)**

**Sorry it's so short and super depressing, it was originally going to be included in what is now Chapter 13, but I think it fit better as a separate chapter...also 13 is really long. Don't worry at the end, this story isn't over yet!**

**I actually cried while writing this. You have been warned. **

Hermione lay petrified in her bed in the Hospital Wing. She couldn't move, speak, or open her eyes no matter how hard she tried. She had no idea how long she'd been there, but somehow, though her blood loss and torture had left her unconscious, she was aware of all that went on around her. The only passages of time she could measure were based on the voices of Madame Pomfrey and the students in the infirmary. She thought she had heard Severus' voice once but he seemed far away, as if his bed was the furthest away, and he never talked that loud anyway. Hermione just hoped she would be able to move, to talk to him, to do anything soon. Finally she slept, not noticing the light touch of powerful magic washing over her.

When she finally could open her eyes, she was in Dumbledore's office, a familiar face shaking her awake.

"Harry!" she gasped and hugged him tightly. An instant later she froze and pushed him away.

"No. No. It can't be! I was just...what the hell just happened? Why am I back?"

"Hermione! It's ok, you're back, you're safe. Dumbledore said you'd be confused, but it'll pass. You were sent on a mission back in time two weeks ago, I knew you'd turn up soon. I know you'll be upset about not remembering what happened, but Dumbledore tried to explain everything to me." Harry tried to comfort her.

"Well, he was clearly wrong, I remember everything. Even when I was petrified and Sev said...Sev said..." She trailed off. "He said he loved me," she whispered to herself as tears filled her eyes.

"Sev?" Harry questioned. "Oh. Oh, Hermione, everything makes sense now!" the realization dawned on him. "I'm so sorry!" he pulled her back into a hug. "I only know a little of what Dumbledore told me, but now I understand." Hermione made some noncommittal noises and continued to cry into his shoulder.

"Where's Dumbledore?" she finally calmed down enough to ask.

"Hermione, he died a year ago...Snape killed him." Harry said uncertainly.

"He did WHAT?" Hermione was no longer calm. What had happened to her Severus? He wouldn't have killed anyone, no matter how deserving they were, would he?

"Oh I guess it hadn't happened when you left." Harry said with an air of understanding. "Things must be so different! Remember when the Death Eaters invaded Hogwarts last year?" at her nod, he continued "Well we were up on the Astronomy tower, and Dumbledore begged Snape, but he killed him." Hermione's eyes widened. "Though Dumbledore did mention it might have been part of a plan..." Harry trailed off in afterthought.

"Excuse me?" Hermione urged him to continue incredulously.

"You know Dumbledore had a lot of plans, he never really explained them well. I think it was his idea for Snape to kill him... Though now most people don't trust Snape at all, not like they did much in the first place anyway...but anyway, he also said you wouldn't remember what happened in the past," Harry's eyes shifted to the left behind her.

She whirled around and found she was facing Dumbledore's portrait. He was sleeping, or at least pretending to.

"You!" she yelled and stormed over to the painting. It didn't move, save for a light snore.

"He tends to do that," Harry warned.

"Dumbledore!" she screeched, knowing she could rival Mrs. Black at this point. "Wake up!" The portrait continued to doze, but there was a slight flinch in the paint. "I know you can hear me, you ungrateful piece of-"

"_Hermione!" _

"Listen to me!" She ignored Harry's shock and sent a few spells at it. When they rebounded, she tried vainly to rip the frame off the wall. Harry knew better than to interfere.

Dumbledore warily opened his eyes.

"What the hell were you thinking? Severus needed me! You shouldn't have sent me back! And making him kill you? Do you have any idea how much that would have affected him? Well? I want an explanation!" she demanded.

"Miss Granger, I realize now that I may have not made the best decisions, but you must admit the war is doing better-"

"Maybe from your perspective! It most certainly isn't better for those who have died! And why didn't you think of just preventing the war altogether?" she interrupted.

"The prophecy-" Dumbledore began again.

"You said the prophecy only had power because Voldemort made it so," Harry brought up.

"...yes." He admitted.

"How did he even know about it? Why did you do this? You could have kept it a secret and maybe there would have never been a war!"

"I sent Severus to hear the prophecy." Dumbledore admitted.

"WHAT?" Hermione yelled, outraged, "What else did you make him do?"

"Severus Snape," a high, cold, cruel voice penetrated the air, resounding all across Hogwarts, yet barely more than a whisper. "You have fifteen minutes to meet me in the Shrieking Shack. Come alone. Anyone who sees him resisting, bring him to me. Anyone found hiding or protecting him will be tortured. If he is not there, I will not stop til every man, woman, and child is killed."

Hermione looked at Harry in shock. "He's still alive?" she asked shrilly.

Harry paled. "Yes of course he is! Well, I'm assuming he is, he just flew out of the Great Hall a few hours ago...Yes, flew." he clarified at her look. "Why? What happened?" Before Hermione could respond, Dumbledore spoke again.

"You could have such power, Harry. I knew you would one day acquire the set of Deathly Hallows, that is why I gave you the invisibility cloak, you could become the Master of Death and be a greater, more powerful wizard than me, Grindelwald, Voldemort, even Merlin. You could be the strongest wizard to ever exist!"

"I don't want any of that!" Harry said and stormed out of the room, finally knowing that the man he had put all his trust in was also failing him. She knew Harry wouldn't cope well with this.

Hermione just shook her head in disgust. "I will never forgive you."

She ran out the door after him and practically dragged Harry to the Shrieking Shack. She knew what had happened before she was sent back, and the night seemed to be progressing the same way. They crawled through the passage under the Whomping Willow and hid around the corner in the shadows.

"You have lied to me. You have deceived me, Severus." Voldemort spoke.

"My Lord?" Severus said quietly, eyes meeting the floor.

"This wand is useless and I think you knew it. In order to become the Elder Wand's master I'd have to defeat the previous owner."

"You took it from his tomb yourself, my Lord." he muttered.

"But you were the one to kill Albus Dumbledore! And as long as you're alive I'll never be the master of this wand!" And with a wave of his wand, Voldemort put a spell on Nagini and apparated from the Shack.

Hermione couldn't contain herself anymore. She and Harry rushed into the room just as Nagini was advancing.

"Severus!" she yelled as a warning.

"Miss Granger!" the use of his given name threw him off guard and distracted him from the rapidly approaching Nagini.

There was a horrible scream as the snake lunged at Severus, fangs sinking into his neck, and Hermione wasn't sure if it had come from him or her own throat.

"No!" Hermione rushed over to him. His blood was flowing freely from the bite marks on his neck. He weakly pushed her away.

"Sev, it's me, it's Hermione. I'm trying to help. Don't you remember?" She cried and covered the wound with her hand in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Impossible." he rasped. "Of course I remember...There's no way you could...Dumbledore said-"

"Dumbledore said a lot of things that weren't true, Sev. I remember everything." Tears welled up in her eyes and he looked at her as suspiciously as he could manage.

Harry had the decency to become particularly interested in a certain floorboard.

"Everything?"

"Even what you said on Halloween. I love you, Sev. I'm so sorry." She leaned down and kissed him gently, their tears mixing. The slightest relief washed over his features.

"Not your fault..." Wisps of silver began to float out of him. "Take them...They're memories...please take them...I'm just happy that I...I got to see you again." Hermione collected them quickly, reluctant to take pressure off the wound.

"Don't talk like that, Sev, you're going to be ok." She cried.

He feebly reached into his pocket and pulled out her locket. A gut wrenching sob escaped her.

"Give me...the choice I never had." his eyes closed for too long of a moment.

"Sev! No, Sev, please! Don't leave me, you'll be ok, please, I-"

"I love you," he breathed simply, cutting her off, his hand weakly caressed her cheek.

"I love you too," she mumbled back, tears cascading down her face. His hand fell from her face.

"Look...at...me..." he whispered, and as their eyes met, Severus Snape was finally at peace.


	13. Chapter 13

**Oh my goodness y'all. I am so very sorry I've been MIA for so long. None of my excuses are good enough and I really don't deserve any of my amazing reviewers. Thanks to any of you who stick around to read this. Special thanks to eharo1 for actually getting me to update :) **

**This chapter is mostly Sev's memories, I'm sorry if it gets confusing, and uploading it messed with the spacing ...almost all of the chapter is in a pensieve! And this is the longest chapter I've written. Some things are taken directly from the HP books (yay for quotes, and I don't own any of it (obviously)), some I made up, some are changed, etc, but my dad has my 6th book so that changes things... **

**Yeah. So. Here's chapter 13. Sorry. **

"No! Sev! Please..." Hermione cried. "Severus Snape, don't you die on me!"

"Hermione, he's gone," Harry whispered and put his hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

She almost pushed it away in denial, but the stab of truth tore through her and she accepted his hug.  
"We should go to Dumbledore's pensieve and see what he gave you." Harry said after a moment and she nodded.

"What else had changed, Harry?" She managed to ask.

"I don't know, I'm not sure how it was..."  
"Is Ron...?" She trailed off and Harry shook his head.  
"Scabior."

"The other Weasley's? Neville? Luna? The Order? Dumbledore's Army?" The name stung her throat.

"We haven't heard from Percy, but the rest of the Weasley's are alive. We almost lost Fred when a wall fell on him, but he's ok. George lost an ear, Remus and Tonks are fine, Kingsley's fine, Neville and Luna too. Moody is dead, but you were here for some of that though weren't you?"  
She nodded. "And the horcruxes?"  
"Probably the same as when you were here. I think I know where the diadem is. Nagini is going to be almost impossible to kill. I can tell he knows when a horcrux is destroyed. He's keeping her close. If he hadn't taken her so fast I could have killed her just now. We destroyed Hufflepuff's goblet a few days ago."  
She poured the memories into the basin and watched as dozens of silvery strands drifted around each other.

"Do you want me come with you?"

"Yes, please, Harry. Thank you." Taking a steadying breath, she leaned in.

Harry appeared next to her in the first memory. He gave her a single nod, as if to confirm that they would be silent and watch. He put a comforting arm around Hermione's shoulders in a knowing way. Hermione was thankful her best friend understood without her having to explain. Harry always tended to have the most random, but important bursts of knowledge and understanding that she would never comprehend.

She saw a few early memories he had told her about, with his parents, with the Marauders.

The scene changed and it was right before their summer together.

"Severus! Have you seen my hair ribbons? I can't find them anywhere!" Lucius Malfoy asked, stepping into Severus's room and shutting the door behind him.

"No." Severus replied sullenly.

"You need to sort out where your priorities lie. We just got you disassociated with that Gryffindor mudblood, and now you're dating another? At least she's in Slytherin. But Sev, think about it. We can get rid of her the same way I made you get rid of the other one."

The scene changed again and the pair recognized their fifth year potions class.

"You will notice," said Severus in his low, sneering voice, "that we have a guest with us today."

He gestured toward a corner of the dungeon to Professor Umbridge sitting there, clipboard in hand.

"We are continuing with our Strengthening Solutions today, you will find your mixtures as you left them last lesson, if correctly made they should have matured well over the weekend. Instructions-" he waved his wand again and neat words formed in chalk, "on the board. Carry on."

Hermione saw herself correct Harry's potion. "Salamander blood, Harry! Not pomegranate juice!"

"Well, the class seems fairly advanced for their level," Umbridge said briskly to Snape's back as he strode around the room, glaring into various cauldrons. "Though I would question whether it is advisable to teach them a potion like the Strengthening Solution. I think the Ministry would prefer it if that was removed from the syllabus."

Severus straightened up slowly and turned to look at her, an incredulous frown on his face.

"Now...how long have you been teaching at Hogwarts?" she asked, her quill poised over the clipboard.

"Fourteen years," Snape replied. His expression turned sour.

"You applied first for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post, I believe?"  
"Yes." Severus said voice dropping.

"But you were unsuccessful?"

His lip curled in a sneer. "Obviously."

"And you have applied regularly for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post since you first joined the school, I believe?"  
"Yes," said Severus almost silently, barely moving his lips. He looked very angry.

"Do you have any idea why Dumbledore has consistently refused to appoint you?" asked Umbridge.

"I suggest you ask him." Severus replied and turned away.

"Oh I shall,"

"I suppose this is relevant?" He muttered at her.

"Oh yes. Yes, the Ministry wants a thorough understanding of teachers' – er- backgrounds..." She trailed off as the scene faded.

Severus looked at Harry, who was staring frantically as if trying to communicate without words.

"He's got Padfoot!" Harry shouted. "He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden!"

Severus froze with his hand on the doorknob.

"Padfoot? What is Padfoot? Where what is hidden? What does he mean, Snape?" Umbridge demanded.

"I have no idea. Potter, when I want nonsense shouted at me I shall give you a Babbling Beverage. And Crabbe, loosen your hold a little, if Longbottom suffocates it will mean a lot of tedious paperwork, and I am afraid I shall have to mention it on your reference if you ever apply for a job."

He left the room with a frown. The pair saw him try to contact Sirius, and then Remus, to no avail, finally going to Dumbledore.

"Good afternoon," Severus lurked behind the three first-year Gryffindors. "You shouldn't bee inside on a day like this." He tried to smile.

"We were..." Harry trailed off.

"You want to be more careful," Severus said. "Hanging around like this, people will think you're up to something. And Gryffindor really can't afford to lose any more points, can it?"

"Be warned, Potter. Any more nighttime wanderings and I will personally make sure you are expelled. Good day to you." He strode off with a flourish of his billowing cloak.

"He knew." Harry mumbled beside her as they watched him stalk down the hall. "He was trying to keep us safe."

Dumbledore was pacing his office. "Miss Granger will be starting this term. Be sure to show no favoritism. Keep up your persona of Gryffindor hatred. Do not call on her in class."

"Yes, sir." Severus replied, a slightly happy look being replaced with a sad frown.

"Severus, Miss Granger has top marks in your class. And she's been answering all of your questions." Dumbledore said in a warning voice.

"She's brilliant. She answers even when I don't call on her."  
"Well then, take points if you must. You need to keep a distance and maintain their hatred to appear on Voldemort's side and gain her pity in the future."  
"She said she didn't pity me." Dumbledore gave him a pitying look.

"Don't look at me like that!"

"Severus. Do what you must, but ensure her dislike. And remember, I will be watching."  
What followed was a rapid flowing series of her hopeful hand-raising being ignored and deep feelings of regret at taking points off.  
She heard him call her an insufferable know-it-all numerous times, only to see tears in his eyes when no one was looking.  
She saw the teeth-incident, and felt his pain when he forced himself to insult her and make her cry.

She saw him studying and practicing Occlumency. He could keep out both Voldemort and Dumbledore easily.

She saw him creating the Seven Bottles and the riddle. She could fell his pride and assurance that she would figure it out. He made sure to appeal to her obsession with logic.

"Filch? What's going on?" Severus called to the caretaker jogging up a staircase.

"It's Peeves, Professor. He threw this egg down the stairs."

"Peeves?" said Severus softly, staring at the egg in Filch's hands. "But Peeves couldn't get into my office..."  
"This egg was in your office, Professor?"

"Of course not! I heard banging and wailing-"

"Yes, Professor, that was the egg-"

"-I was coming to investigate-"

"-Peeves threw it, Professor-"

"-and when I passed my office, I saw that the torches were lit and a cupboard door ajar! Somebody has been searching it!"

"But Peeves couldn't-"

"I know he couldn't, Filch! I seal my office with a spell none but a wizard could break!" He looked directly at the invisible Harry. "I want you to come and help me search for the intruder, Filch."

"Pajama party is it?" Moody came out of nowhere.  
"Professor Snape and I heard noises, Professor, Peeves the Poltergeist, throwing things around as usual- and then Professor Snape discovered that someone had broken into his off-"  
"Shut up!" Severus hissed at Filch.

They saw the argument continue for a bit, Moody and Severus obviously not getting along. At one point, Severus looked at the fallen Marauder's map, then pointedly at the still-invisible Harry.

She saw herself punch Draco Malfoy in the face and felt his small amount of pride, then confusion as she followed herself out of the castle. He knew she had been using a time-turner for classes, but she was obviously more skilled than that if she was able to change past events while keeping herself concealed. He grasped the cool metal chain in his pocket as a small glimmer of hope washed over him.

He was standing off in the corner at the Yule Ball, glaring at anyone who came within a few feet of him. His face softened into a look of longing and almost sadness. She turned around and saw her fourth-year self enter the Great Hall. His look turned into jealousy for a moment when Viktor Krum held out his arm, but after a quick glance at Dumbledore, masked his face back into his angry glare. She could feel his reproachfulness towards Viktor and his worry that she would stay with him. He wanted her to be happy, but it pained him to see her that way with another.

"It's meant to be this way, Severus." Dumbledore said quietly as he walked past. "Go see what Karkaroff is up to..."

The scene dissolved to the top of the astronomy tower.

"Severus, please." Dumbledore said quietly, eyes begging for Severus to kill him. Everyone else thought he was begging for mercy, but Hermione knew this was planned. Severus raised his wand, desperately trying to convince himself that this was for the best, that he was helping Dumbledore, but he could not contain his feelings, his hatred toward the man who ruined his life.

"Avada Kedavra!" he yelled and the curse flew out of his wand with such emotional force that Dumbledore was propelled off the tower. His last look was one of pity towards Severus, and Severus _hated_ him.

The other Death Eaters ran off the tower, Severus following a bit, but stopping after he rounded the first corner with a gasp. He felt his soul begin to destroy itself. He knew this would happen. Dumbledore knew this would happen; and he let it. Severus collapsed against the wall, head in his hands. He felt so utterly lost. Hermione could feel all the emotions running through his mind and wanted nothing more than to comfort him.

The scene began to fade as he pulled the locket from his robes and absently began flipping it open and closed. Then he paused, staring at it, and Hermione felt the glorious feeling of the stirrings of a brilliant idea forming.

"Severus, you will need to keep Lily and James Potter safe. In the future, their son Harry Potter will be Miss Granger's best friend. Her safety and well-being relies on him and his family's survival."  
Severus looked up in shock.

"You'll forgive me, Dumbledore, but I've never heard of a curse scar acting as an alarm bell before..."

"Look, I saw Voldemort come back!" Harry shouted. He tried to get out of bed, but Mrs. Weasley forced him back. "I saw the Death Eaters! I can give you their names! Lucius Malfoy-"

Snape made a sudden movement, but as Harry looked at him, Snape's eyes flew back to Fudge.

"Malfoy was cleared! A very old family! Donations to excellent causes..."

"Macnair!"

"Also cleared! Now working for the Ministry!"

"Avery – Nott – Crabbe – Goyle -"

Fudge continued his denials and Harry argued back.

"He can't be back, Dumbledore, he just can't be..."

Severus strode forward, past Dumbledore, pulling up the left sleeve of his robes as he went. He stuck out his forearm and thrust it towards Fudge, who recoiled.

"There," said Snape harshly. "There. The Dark Mark. It is not as clear as it was an hour or so ago, when it burned black, but you can still see it. Every Death Eater had the sign burned into him by the Dark Lord. It was a means of distinguishing one another, and his means of summoning us to him. When he touched the Mark of any Death Eater, we were to Disapparate, and Apparate, instantly, at his side. This Mark has been growing clearer all year. Karkaroff's too. Why do you think Karkaroff fled tonight? We both felt the Mark burn. We both knew he had returned. Karkaroff fears the Dark Lord's vengeance. He betrayed too many of his fellow Death Eaters to be sure of a welcome back into the fold."

Hermione knew it took a lot for him to say all of that. She could feel his self-loathing and hatred towards the Mark.

"Severus...you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready...if you are prepared..."

"I am." he said, almost regretfully.

"Then good luck." Dumbledore said after his retreating form.

As soon as he was out of the castle, Severus apparated to Voldemort's location. His fear was obvious but he kept himself moving forward.

The scene dissolved. They stood on a hilltop, forlorn and cold in the darkness, the wind whistling through the branches of a few leafless trees. The adult Severus was panting, turning on the spot, his wand gripped tightly in his hand, waiting for something or for someone… His fear infected the pair too.

Then a blinding, jagged jet of white light flew through the air. Harry thought of lightning, but Severus had dropped to his knees and his wand had flown out of his hand.

"Don't kill me!" Severus cried.

"That was not my intention."

Any sound of Dumbledore Apparating had been drowned by the sound of the wind in the branches. He stood before Severus with his robes whipping around him, and his face was illuminated with an eerie glow from his wand.

"Well, Severus? What message does Lord Voldemort have for me?"

"No - no message - I'm here on my own account!"

He wrung his hands together and his hair blew around his head in the storm.

"I - I come with a warning - no, a request - please - "

Dumbledore flicked his wand. Though leaves and branches still flew through the night air around them, silence fell on the spot where he and Severus faced each other.

"What request could a Death Eater make of me?"

"The - the prophecy…the prediction…Trelawney…"

"Ah, yes," said Dumbledore. "How much did you successfully relay to Lord Voldemort?"

"Everything - everything I heard!" said Severus. "That is why - it is for that reason - he thinks it means Harry Potter!"

"Exactly."

"He is going to hunt him down - kill his family - "

"If she means so much to you," said Dumbledore, "surely Lord Voldemort will spare her? Could you not ask for mercy for the mother, in exchange for the son?"

"I have - I have asked him - "

"You disgust me," said Dumbledore, and Harry had never heard so much contempt in his voice. Severus seemed to shrink a little, "You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you have what you want?"

Severus said nothing, but merely looked up at Dumbledore.

"Hide them all, then," he croaked. "Keep her - them - safe. Please."

"And what will you give me in return, Severus?"

"In - in return?" Severus gaped at Dumbledore, and Harry expected him to protest, but after a long moment he said, "Anything."

The hilltop faded, and Harry stood in Dumbledore's office, and something was making a terrible sound, like a wounded animal. Severus was slumped forward in a chair and Dumbledore was standing over him, looking grim. After a moment or two, Severus raised his face, and he looked like a man who had lived a hundred years of misery since leaving the wild hilltop.

"I thought…you were going…to keep her…safe…"

"She and James put their faith in the wrong person," said Dumbledore. "Rather like you, Severus. Weren't you hoping that Lord Voldemort would spare her?"

Severus's breathing was shallow. "You could have -"

"The boy survives," said Dumbledore.

With a tiny jerk of the head, Severus seemed to flick off an irksome fly.

"Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evans's eyes, I am sure?" Dumbledore tried for a reaction.

"DON'T!" bellowed Severus. "Gone…dead…"

"Is this remorse, Severus?" Dumbledore said, almost amused.

"I wish…I wish I were dead…" he mumbled, more to himself.

"And what use would that be to anyone?" said Dumbledore coldly. "If you loved Lily Evans, if you love Hermione Granger, then your way forward is clear."

Severus seemed to peer through a haze of pain, and Dumbledore's words appeared to take a long time to reach him.

"What - what do you mean?"

"You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son, Hermione's best friend."

"He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone - "

"The Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does., along with Hermione and the rest of the wizarding world."

There was a long pause, and slowly Severus regained control of himself, mastered his own breathing. At last he said, "Very well. Very well. But never - never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear…especially Potter's son…I want your word!"

"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?" Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Severus's ferocious, anguished face. "If you insist…"

"Severus, you must do everything in your power to keep Harry safe. It will help Hermione in the long run. The fate of the wizarding world relies on him. Remember the prophecy."  
Severus frowned. Didn't the prophecy only have power because people were listening to it? Couldn't they avoid this altogether?

As if reading his mind (which didn't happen, of course, because of the constant mental shield Severus maintained) Dumbledore answered, "It's already begun, Severus. The prophecy will be fulfilled."

The office dissolved but re-formed instantly. Severus was pacing up and down in front of Dumbledore.

" - mediocre, arrogant as his father, a determined rule-breaker, delighted to find himself famous, attention-seeking and impertinent - "

"You see what you expect to see, Severus," said Dumbledore, without raising his eyes from a copy of Transfiguration Today. "Other teachers report that the boy is modest, likable, and reasonably talented. Personally, I find him an engaging child."

Dumbledore turned a page, and said, without looking up, "Keep an eye on Quirrell, won't you?"

Dumbledore sagged sideways in the throne-like chair behind the desk, apparently semiconscious. His right hand dangled over the side, blackened and burned. Severus was muttering incantations, pointing his wand at the wrist of the hand, while with his left hand he tipped a goblet full of thick golden potion down Dumbledore's throat. After a moment or two, Dumbledore's eyelids fluttered and opened.

"Why," said Severus, without preamble, "why did you put on that ring? It carries a curse, surely you realized that. Why even touch it?"

Marvolo Gaunt's ring lay on the desk before Dumbledore. It was cracked; the sword of Gryffindor lay beside it.

Dumbledore made a face.

"I…was a fool. Sorely tempted…"

"Tempted by what?" Severus's curiosity got the best of him.

Dumbledore did not answer.

"It is a miracle you managed to return here!" Severus sounded furious. "That ring carried a curse of extraordinary power, to contain it is all we can hope for; I have trapped the curse in one hand for the time being - "

Dumbledore raised his ruined hand, looking at it in interest.

"You have done very well, Severus. How long do you think I have?" He asked softly, too softly for one who didn't already know their fate.

Severus paused, and then said, "I cannot tell. Maybe a year. There is no halting such a spell forever. It will spread eventually, it is the sort of curse that strengthens over time."

Dumbledore smiled. He didn't seem to care if he'd live or not.

"I am fortunate, extremely fortunate, that I have you, Severus."

"If you had only summoned me a little earlier, I might have been able to do more, buy you more time!" said Severus furiously. He looked down at the broken ring and the sword. "Did you think that breaking the ring would break the curse?"

"Something like that…I was delirious, no doubt…" said Dumbledore. With an effort he straightened himself in his chair. "Well, really, this makes matters much more straightforward."

Severus looked confused at the headmaster's smile.

"I refer to the plan Lord Voldemort is revolving around me. His plan to have the poor Malfoy boy murder me."

Severus sat down in the chair across the desk from Dumbledore. Scowling, Severus said, "The Dark Lord does not expect Draco to succeed. This is merely punishment for Lucius's recent failures. Slow torture for Draco's parents, while they watch him fail and pay the price."

"In short, the boy has had a death sentence pronounced upon him as surely as I have," said Dumbledore. "Now, I should have thought the natural successor to the job, once Draco fails, is yourself?"

There was a short pause.

"That, I think, is the Dark Lord's plan."

"Lord Voldemort foresees a moment in the near future when he will not need a spy at Hogwarts?"

"He believes the school will soon be in his grasp, yes."

"And if it does fall into his grasp," said Dumbledore, casually, "I have your word that you will do all in your power to protect the students at Hogwarts?"

Severus gave a single nod.

"Good. Now then. Your first priority will be to discover what Draco is up to. A frightened teenage boy is a danger to others as well as to himself. Offer him help and guidance, he ought to accept, he likes you - "

" - much less since his father has lost favor. Draco blames me, he thinks I have usurped Lucius's position."

"All the same, try. I am concerned less for myself than for accidental victims of whatever schemes might occur to the boy. Ultimately, of course, there is only one thing to be done if we are to save him from Lord Voldemort's wrath."

Severus raised his eyebrows, "Are you intending to let him kill you?"

"Certainly not. You must kill me." Dumbledore said as if it was obvious.

"Would you like me to do it now?" asked Severus after a moment, his voice heavy with sarcasm. "Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?"

"Oh, not quite yet," said Dumbledore, smiling. "I daresay the moment will present itself in due course. Given what has happened tonight," he indicated his withered hand, "we can be sure that it will happen within a year."

"If you don't mind dying," said Severus roughly, "why not let Draco do it?"

"That boy's soul is not yet so damaged," said Dumbledore. "I would not have it ripped apart on my account."

"And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?"

"You alone know whether it will harm your soul to help an old man avoid pain and humiliation," said Dumbledore. "I ask this one great favor of you, Severus, because death is coming for me as surely as the Chudley Cannons will finish bottom of this year's league. I confess I should prefer a quick, painless exit to the protracted and messy affair it will be if, for instance, Greyback is involved - I hear Voldemort has recruited him? Or dear Bellatrix, who likes to play with her food before she eats it."

His tone was light, but his blue eyes pierced Severus as they had frequently pierced Harry, as though the soul they discussed was visible to him. At last Severus gave another curt nod.

Dumbledore seemed satisfied.

"Thank you, Severus…"

The office disappeared, and now Severus and Dumbledore were strolling together in the deserted castle grounds by twilight.

"What are you doing with Potter, all these evenings you are closeted together?" Severus asked abruptly.

Dumbledore looked weary.

"Why? You aren't trying to give him more detentions, Severus? The boy will soon have spent more time in detention than out."

"He is his father over again - "

"In looks, perhaps, but his deepest nature is much more like his mother's. He is Hermoine's friend after all, do you think she'd put up with someone who acted how you remember James Potter? I spend time with Harry because I have things to discuss with him, information I must give him before it is too late."

"Information," repeated Severus. "You trust him…you do not trust me."

"It is not a question of trust. I have, as we both know, limited time. It is essential that I give the boy enough information for him to do what he needs to do."

"And why may I not have the same information?"

"I prefer not to put all of my secrets in one basket, particularly not a basket that spends so much time dangling on the arm of Lord Voldemort."

"Which I do on your orders!"

"And you do it extremely well. Do not think that I underestimate the constant danger in which you place yourself, Severus. To give Voldemort what appears to be valuable information while withholding the essentials is a job I would entrust to nobody but you."

"Yet you confide much more in a boy who is incapable of Occlumency, whose magic is mediocre, and who has a direct connection into the Dark Lord's mind!"

"Voldemort fears that connection," said Dumbledore. "Not so long ago he had one small taste of what truly sharing Harry's mind means to him. It was pain such as he has never experienced. He will not try to possess Harry again, I am sure of it. Not in that way."

"I don't understand."

"Lord Voldemort's soul, maimed as it is, cannot bear close contact with a soul like Harry's. Like a tongue on frozen steel, like flesh in flame - "

"Souls? We were talking of minds!"

"In the case of Harry and Lord Voldemort, to speak of one is to speak of the other."

Dumbledore glanced around to make sure that they were alone. They were close by the Forbidden Forest now, but there was no sign of anyone near them.

"After you have killed me, Severus - "

"You refuse to tell me everything, yet you expect that small service of me!" snarled Severus, and real anger flared in the thin face now. "You take a great deal for granted, Dumbledore! Perhaps I have changed my mind!"

"You gave me your word, Severus. And while we are talking about services you owe me, I thought you agreed to keep a close eye on our young Slytherin friend?"

Severus looked angry, mutinous. Dumbledore sighed.

"Come to my office tonight, Severus, at eleven, and you shall not complain that I have no confidence in you…"

They were back in Dumbledore's office, the windows dark, and Fawkes sat silent as Severus sat quite still, as Dumbledore walked around him, talking.

"Harry must not know, not until the last moment, not until it is necessary, otherwise how could he have the strength to do what must be done?"

"But what must he do?"

"That is between Harry and me. Now listen closely, Severus. There will come a time - after my death - do not argue, do not interrupt! There will come a time when Lord Voldemort will seem to fear for the life of his snake."

"For Nagini?" Severus looked astonished.

"Precisely. If there comes a time when Lord Voldemort stops sending that snake forth to do his bidding, but keeps it safe beside him under magical protection, then, I think, it will be safe to tell Harry."

"Tell him what?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Tell him that on the night Lord Voldemort tried to kill him, when Lily cast her own life between them as a shield, the Killing Curse rebounded upon Lord Voldemort, and a fragment of Voldemort's soul was blasted apart from the whole, and latched itself onto the only living soul left in that collapsed building. Part of Lord Voldemort lives inside Harry, and it is that which gives him the power of speech with snakes, and a connection with Lord Voldemort's mind that he has never understood. And while that fragment of soul, unmissed by Voldemort, remains attached to and protected by Harry, Lord Voldemort cannot die."

"So the boy…the boy must die?" asked Severus quite calmly.

"And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential."

Another long silence. Then Severus said, "I thought…all those years…that we were protecting him for her. For Lily."

"We have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength," said Dumbledore, his eyes still tight shut. "Meanwhile, the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasitic growth. Sometimes I have thought he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does set out to meet his death, it will truly mean the end of Voldemort."

Dumbledore opened his eyes. Severus looked horrified.

"You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?"

"Don't be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?"

"Lately, only those whom I could not save," said Severus. He stood up. "You have used me."

"Meaning?"

"I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Hermione safe through Harry. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter - "

"But this is touching, Severus," said Dumbledore seriously. "Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?"

"For him?" shouted Severus. "Expecto..." he trailed off, shaking his head slightly, as if trying to come up with a happy memory. "Expecto Patronum!"

From the tip of his wand burst a silver otter. It landed on the office floor, bounded once around the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched it fly away, and as its silvery glow faded he turned back to Severus.

"After all this time?"

"Always," whispered Severus through his tears.

And the scene shifted. Now, Harry saw Severus talking to the portrait of Dumbledore behind his desk.

"You will have to give Voldemort the correct date of Harry's departure from his aunt and uncle's," said Dumbledore. "Not to do so will raise suspicion, when Voldemort believes you so well informed. However, you must plant the idea of decoys; that, I think, ought to ensure Harry's safety. Try Confunding Mundungus Fletcher. And Severus, if you are forced to take part in the chase, be sure to act your part convincingly…I am counting upon you to remain in Lord Voldemort's good books as long as possible, or Hogwarts will be left to the mercy of the Carrows…"

Now Harry was flying alongside Severus on a broomstick through a clear dark night: He was accompanied by other hooded Death Eaters, and ahead were Lupin and a Harry who was really George… A Death Eater moved ahead of Severus and raised his wand, pointing it directly at Lupin's back.

"Sectumsempra!" shouted Severus.

But the spell, intended for the Death Eater's wand hand, missed and hit George instead.

And now Severus stood again in the headmaster's study as Phineas Nigellus came hurrying into his portrait.

"Headmaster! They are camping in the Forest of Dean! The Mudblood - "

"Do not use that word!" Severus yelled.

" - the Granger girl, then, mentioned the place as she opened her bag and I heard her!"

"Good. Very good!" cried the portrait of Dumbledore behind the headmaster's chair. "Now, Severus, the sword! Do not forget that it must be taken under conditions of need and valor - and he must not know that you give it! If Voldemort should read Harry's mind and see you acting for him - "

"I know," said Severus curtly. He approached the portrait of Dumbledore and pulled at its side. It swung forward, revealing a hidden cavity behind it from which he took the sword of Gryffindor.

"And you still aren't going to tell me why it's so important to give Potter the sword?" said Severus as he swung a traveling cloak over his robes.

"No, I don't think so," said Dumbledore's portrait. "He will know what to do with it. And Severus, be very careful, they may not take kindly to your appearance after George Weasley's mishap - "

Severus turned at the door.

"Don't worry, Dumbledore," he said coolly. "I have a plan…"

And Severus left the room.

"Hello, Hermione." Severus appeared to be talking to himself. "If you're seeing this, I must be dead and you must remember our time together. I am doubtful of you remembering, but I cannot fully give up hope. It is the only thing keeping me alive. I'm sorry you've had to see all my memories, but there is hopefully some good to come of this." He pulled the locket he had given her out of his pocket. "I have created a sort of reverse time-turner. I'm not able to test it, but I trust my work. Some of the ideas came from you, even. If you fold it backwards, it will take you back to sometime within the year you were sent back to your time. You'll only be there for seven minutes. Find me and explain, I should trust you. Give me the choice I never had. The choice for a better life, for hope, for love. All you have to do is give me the locket and if it is put together with the one in the past, I should be able to travel to your future time, within a year of you seeing this. It'll only work for the next minute or so in your time. And please, if he's not with you now, tell Harry that I don't hate him. I love you, Hermione. Always."

And the final memory dissolved.

"Harry?" Hermione whispered, frozen.  
"Go. Go, Hermione, he needs you. You'll be back soon enough, we can keep it together without you for a few minutes."  
"Thank you, Harry" she hugged him tightly.

Then, stepping back, she closed the silver locket backwards and disappeared.

She stumbled forward as she landed in Dumbledore's office.  
"Hermione!" she whirled around and saw Severus staring in shock. She threw her arms around him and kissed him quickly, pulling away much too fast for his liking.  
"I only have seven minutes, come with me!" She grabbed his hand and practically dragged him out of the headmaster's office, blatantly ignoring Dumbledore's protests and confused objections, running to the first empty classroom and slamming the door.

"Seven minutes?" he said.

"Just listen! This is going to sound crazy. When I went back, you died. But you left this for me. For us." She held up the locket and he pulled the one he had found from his collar.

"It's like a reverse time-turner. You invented it. You gave me all your memories and told me how this works. It temporarily takes me back here but in seven minutes I'll return to my time. If you put the two together, it will take you forward to my time as well, hopefully. The exact date isn't known, but it should be within a year of now in my time."  
He reached for it.

"But you have to know, if you do this, you will see and feel all the memories you gave me and more. It's not an escape, but a way to hopefully be happy again. You wanted to give yourself the choice you never had, with warning. I love you Severus, so much, but I'm not going to tell you what to do. These memories are not happy. You've gone through so much. And we're in the middle of a war in my time, and who knows what condition the world will be in when...if you come. But please take your time to think about it. You can't see the memories until you're moving forward in time. I want you to make the decision for yourself, just know I'll be there, and I'll wait for you if you want. But I understand if you don't want to go through all of it. I love you."

"I love you too."

Their lips met a final time and she pushed the small bit of metal into his hand as she faded away.


End file.
